Sunday, 30 December 2007

Keeping a positive mind

Not only I brought home some souvenirs and sweet memories home from Dubai , I also brought along a terrible food poisoning.After having a meal at a buffet place in Satwa - 'all you can eat for 38 dirham ' restaurant that I personally had suggested to dine in . I was puking my stomach off the entire night after the meal.. not really a great way to end a nice holiday.I forgot the rules of no raw vegetable eating that every travellers should hang on to, I just got myself lost in a buffet of barbecue kebabs, exotic Arabian soups and biryanis and of course, salads. Like a child lost in a candy shop.

At Dubai airport I had a peppermint tea and still with my vomiting but I could manage to do a bit of shopping in between at those huge Duty free shops .

Now after 2 days of arriving ,I had been doing nothing but going to the bathroom ,lying down resting and consuming fluids. I am still recovering from a traumatising experience ,it was a great holiday with a not -so-happy ending.

Friday, 28 December 2007

Once I was in Dubai

Dining at Burj Al Arab's Al Muntaha restaurant

Overlooking Deira

At the Desert before the Dune Safari trip

Note:photos were taken by my boyfriend,Roger
using Sony and Olympus

Tuesday, 18 December 2007

Will the real sliced almond please stand up?!!!

The facade of The Pavilion shopping mall courtesy of my brother, Reza

I am typing while listening ,singing along and pretending that I am Beyonce Knowles performing Bootylicious.Obviously someone is in a holiday mood!

I received a cheque in my mail yesterday!It was from my mobile phone network provider Maxis Mobile, who had threatened to sue me if don't settle my bill of RM(Ringgit Malaysia) 500 and this was a year- and a half ago when I was bed paralyzed .Not only that their constant calling annoyed me , but their refusal to understand or let someone come and pick up the money is just too hard for me to accept , I was treated like S*** because of FIVE HUNDRED RINGGIT (approximately US 135). I paid that equal amount of deposit to activate my phone line at the first place and while I was paralysed and could not even go to the bathroom by myself ,word such as "Dont explain to me , explain to the court " from their collecting agents were not necessary . I know my rights and I know what they can and cannot do to me.

My mom paid the bill .
Yesterday was just like any other day, I checked on the mail box and I found a letter for me , went through it and there was a cheque of over RM 700 !
we actually double paid or maybe those people just do not know how to count,Since I don't have any bank account in Malaysia anymore , there I was waking up early in the morning , drove to the bank and wait to get my account sorted.I am glad that people at Standard and Chartered especially Miss Anne, had made it all casual and fuss free for me.But, the hassle on the way to get the account done , to get my car parked , the walk to the bank ,the tiredness .. sigh what a whole lot of trouble for me who rather pack for my holiday and get some serious sleeping done.

So ,that was settled and my Mum decided to pop in at the supermarket as we parked our car at The Pavilion (yep, my current favourite mall)We wanted to get some almonds and we could not find them ... I asked the girl who worked there in Malay and apparently she could not understand me as she is a foreigner , so I spoke to her in English and guess what? she don't understands it neither! and so does 8 other supermarket staffs who were playing "find -the- almond" game with me through the aisles.. they showed me the Mc cormicks green cap bottles and the herb boxes and I was playing win, loose or draw with them explaining what Almond is in the middle of a huge , gigantic ,jumbo supermarket.At the end .. No, we could not find any almonds therefore, there won't be any almond sugee(semolina almond cake)for me
this afternoon :(.

Leaving on a jet plane
Dear friends,
I will be going to Dubai tomorrow and I will be back in one week, so see you soon, and have a Merry Christmas!Thank You for supporting Sayangku Azura

Big Hug xx

Monday, 17 December 2007

Don't ask why

I dont really understand what is going on with me lately, is it the aspirin , my daily dose of 200mg of Hydroxychloroquine sulphate or the bread .. what am I allergic to?!!
At night I'm itching non stop , itch that occur in the nighttime and came from my deep skin .It frustrates me .
At this moment I am staying away from gluten which is a shame because I love wholemeal bread .. No ,actually I love breads ! any sort of breads I am the kind of person who can go hysterical running around in a bakery buying almost everything.Gluten free bread? no I don't think so.. I am a gluten and starchy kinda girl, loving my breads and its spreads.

Not only that I am keeping my mouth off wheat products , I stopped cheese too, because of the incident last week when I scratched myself to bleed because of my rendezvous with tomato and cheddar sandwich. I can't wait to go back to my UK specialist and get her to read my blood again.Is it Lupus ? is it the medication? Is it the food that I consumed ..The answer still upsets me because, I just don't know!!

Lists of things that I am not eating and drinking /might make me scratch/might make me ill.

Belacan- fermented shrimp paste an ingredient used in some Malay food
Carbonated drinks
Shrimp - though lobsters seems to be alright for me
Red meat
Soy milk -it hurt my knees
Coffee- thinning my bone
Deep fried food

Those are what I can think of at this moment , I deserve to sulk and be sad about it, I deserve to bury my face on my pillow and scream and cry .. but I am not going to do that.

At this moment I am enjoying a traditional Malay breakfast of Nasi lemak (coconut rice)sans the Rendang (a delicious Malay curry) and the anchovies and cucumber
and boiled egg. Because my Mother hailed from the north , she cooked delicious family"s recipe of Nasi lemak with herbs, I remember those days when I had a Restaurant and everybody complimented my Restaurant's Nasi lemak and how proud I was everytime I scooped it onto my bright, beautiful ,hand painted plates.

To follow my diet requirement, my mum made me some steamed broccoli with carrots to eat with my Nasi lemak .Nevermind ..., not being able to eat my favourite food is fine.. at least I am not itching or sick at this moment ,I think I can handle it not eating the food that I used to eat ,Do I sound like someone who tries to hide her sadness?
Yes I am...

Saturday, 15 December 2007

Be my guest (once, I was a Diva, a culinary Diva)

I used to work in a cafe during a summer break when I was a teenager, which I find amusing and my love for pastries and baking were the reasons why I worked there after finishing a short course in bread making .See, the school owned the cafe and since I showed too much interest in baking and eager to learn more , the lecturer cum owner decided to employ me on a part time basis , basically I helped out during lunch hours at the sandwich and roast section.I had a good time and made few friends , that was certainly an eye opener and one of the reason why I further studied and picked a career that has got something to do with food .Food is my thing, at least, at that time...and when I was serving , I was always 100% on the job and loving it and took pride of what I made and served.

I still love trying out new restaurants and cafes though in Kuala Lumpur I am often stunned by the service staffs , from one extreme to the other , if they are fast which is unlikely , they are super turbo fast, and when they are slow they are worst than snails. I went to a bookstore in town just now and sat at its cafe(The cafe was not operated by the bookstore) and I was waiting for 45 minutes for my hot chocolate and I didn't see any signs that my hot choc would be serve soon , but I saw other customers who came later than me were given their food.The waitresses just ignored me after taking my order, That pisses me off and I said something to the bookstore staffs later while paying for my book.I would like to thank Max and Chris of Times bookstore at Pavilion(my favourite mall at the moment) for being so kind hearted an attentive.

I can write a whole book about my experiences with servers at Restaurants some nice and some not so nice. But these are something that I can actually write about so spontaneously

In Cambodia ,the service trends at cafes tends to be "we- are- slow- but- we- hang out- with- you-until- your -food- is- cooked which was fine as I was a tourist at a tourist spot at least I don't feel so abandoned and ignored.its always nice to meet new friendly people.But I would have to give a big credit to those at the Raffles Pnom Penh for that nice treatment given and The F&B manager whom I forgot to e mail, though I said I'll keep in touch.I will share more on my Cambodia experience next time around.

You gave dining a bad name
In Hong kong , I went to Lan Kwai Fong during one of a night out, the mostly Fillipinas who worked there were kind of snobbish! and that boiled my blood too, some even try to show their arrogance and of course they don't received a single freakin tips from me.. there you go!( when you gave 'attitude' to people , they will reciprocate )

Vietnam wasn't that bad.. I remember at the Majestic when we were late for breakfast and to be honest I love the breakfast venue , it comes with a beautiful view of Saigon river and its activities, but most of all the kindness of a service personnel there , breakfast was over, but we were presented with another banquet of his courtesy , and that is why I wrote nice things about him in the comment card.

Among the thousands of tales of servers that I had experienced, besides the rudeness of Hong Kong there is Ibiza where my boyfriend had an exchange of harsh e-mails and complaints because of one arrogant server at a restaurant who insist that the fish we ordered were fully cooked when I can see that they aren't and it was like right on their faces, though they apologised only after we got back to the UK , those incident still makes me ponder , what is wrong with these people? , at the end I am a customer and you want my money and I am definitely 100% fuss free customer(unless if you start first) But then I thought .. maybe their parent never taught them any manners or empathy, or maybe they are just plain......

Home grown antics
I had been embarrassed few times in front of my tourist friends with my own country's hospitality infrastructure wise and service staff's rudeness and I'm thinking , are we really that hospitable in Malaysia? or am I the only one?

Thursday, 13 December 2007

That soft gentle touch.

I am feeling tired , but nevermind yesterday's day out is definitely a nice one.
I went to my mum's old friend's shop to get some sequins and beads at an area that's filled with fabric shops where the tailors and fashion designers in Kuala Lumpur likes to get their supplies of sewing instruments.

Unlike Mother, this daughter.
I love beads, I was taught how to make my own jewelleries by my mother few years ago, I even managed sell some of it to friends and on e bay , not big profit , but really fun to make something and sell it , especially when you were born "numb handed"it seems to be such an achievement!.Materials used in my work are glass beads, paper beads and of course my handmade clay and polymer beads.Unlike my Mother , I am really not that good with womanly works like knitting, sewing and Yes that includes beading too , but since it is therapeutic I did it as a hobby and my designs are usually crazy and funky instead of graceful,neat and detailed designs.

When I popped into those fabric shops just now ,I realized what Ive been missing and feel awful that I did not inherit any of those talents name it from my mum or my grandmother, When I sew some sequin on red , 60's style dress that my mother had made for me recently , it turned out awful as it was not as neat as hers and that makes me feel awful , and reminded me of an incident when I was 9,where my mother get a lady to teach me how to do crosstiches after I told her about my interest to do an art project and I picked a pattern with a Tortoise on it. 18 years later, The Tortoise project that was supposed to be my work of art is still not ready and even worse disappeared, I simply sucks'! I shrugged , went to bed and took a nap .

The story behind the series of dresses that my mum had made for me in this past few days is...days before Deepavali , we went to get some almonds for the desserts that we planned to make, but ended up buying tonnes of fabrics ! and today those vibrant fabrics are my dresses and my mum is currently doing the finishing touches with the beads and sequins.
I can't wait to wear them on my holiday soon, and I am finally willing to admit that unlike My Mother , my Grandmother a fashion designer , my Grandaunt a well known event and wedding planner who is also a fantastic dress maker and my late Great-grandmother who sew for hobby ,this hand aren't make for sewing .Sigh..

Wednesday, 12 December 2007

I still can't believe this

Wonder why are they so many of people queuing up at this doughnut store everyday at Pavilion , they must be delicious


My project is still semi-done and my head is spinning and visuals of my story line for my project is changing in a fast mode.Therefore I went to Pavillion,a new huge shopping mall that had just been opened not far from my place with my mother in the pretext of getting lunch and because I can't eat almost everything , We picked a Restaurant instead of eating at the food court like I had planned in my head earlier.( unlike me,My mother was never a fan of food court and any crowded places).

I'm glad that today everyone I met just now were pleasant....

Thank god they are finally waiters and service staffs who would still be able to speak in Malay in Bukit Bintang !unlike our ugly encounter last year at the Lecka Lecka Ice cream parlour /lounge near starhill centre , where the staffs spoke to me in American accented English even when I was talking to them in Malay . The result from their snobbishness , we had an argument , that's because this Malay chap again probably from rural village and were trying hard to look "urban" See, I don't get his brup brup mispronounced English and the results sparks my anger because I took my mum out to have some meal and Ice cream and at the time I feel like the service staffs there were being rude to me and my mother and I never take silliness and rudeness well especially from service staff and I certainly know how to shout back.
I was told by another rude Bangladeshi who worked there, that the owner of the place wants everybody to speak in English because Bukit Bintang is a posh tourist spot and everybody has to be rude and speak in American English.If they don't they would have to be charged for a penalty and that is one Ringgit Malaysia each time .I am surprised that in my country we are not allowed to speak our own National language , In this case I adore and salute our neighbours Indonesia and Thailand , when I was in Indonesia I was eager to catch up with their slang and language and spoke to them in Bahasa Indonesia , I want to know their cultures of every region , their dances and how to make their delicacies.Nothing could change their identities neither millions of foreign tourist nor time.

When I'm abroad I have to pick the country's languages , why can't I be speaking in my own language when I'm in my country? With the attitude of the staffs and even the owner of the company, even though I love the taste of one of their ice cream , I had banned myself , my immediate family members and friends from having ice creams there,isn't it a shame when people refused to come to your store because of your bad attitude and not your products!I had been to some of the nicest places to eat allover the world, but I had never encounter people as rude and think "they are stylish" as people at that Lecka Lecka ice cream store.Yucks.I am glad I didn't manage to order my full meal there, as after that I saw the state of their kitchen facing Jalan Bukit Bintang and I thought ... what a relief!

I am so glad that today at The Pavilion ,everyone from the guy at the DVD shop to the guys and girls who took our orders at the restaurant not forgetting the staffs at both pharmacies and the car park guy", your kind gestures and smiles make my day a colourful one and that is genuine Malaysian hospitality.

Gigantic Christmas tree at Suria KLCC ,Last week, when I had lunch there with my mother

Monday, 10 December 2007

welcome back

Eventhough its a cloudy day today I feel much happier than days had passed.For lunch, I ate some Steamed Broccolli and Masak Singgang ( a yummy fish soup with spices )that my mother cooked earlier.I have lupus you see, there are few things that I can't eat and Thank god the food that I can't eat are not even nice tasting food .My romance with food can't be denied but now that Im on steroids ,I seems to put on weight quite fast ,compared to before Lupus, when I can eat 1 whole chicken , Ice creams and cakes so frequently and still be Miss petite and tiny.

I am currently working on a project and to be honest, I have not start a single thing yet , I wish I could blame people for it , people who took my time by hurting me and made me think 'what I've done wrong' or 'is it just me' and all the questions thats leading to self blaming .But I think today Ive got the answer , some women are competitive and likes to compete in every aspect ,every arena of our lives, Whenever we meet this kind of people stay away from them because they are insecure people and insecurity is contagious.

The story here is, a women who has everything brags about what she has got and pointed out on what I don't have and she did this often.I don't feel defeated and at one point I was even happy for her and glad she got everything that she wanted but I am just frustrated on how she could say things that she had said.I was stunned by how rude can civilised people get.
But now ,I want to blame myself and I want to change , before this my life were filled with marshmallows and chocolate muffins and those are my friends people whom are sweet until I met this person where my life turned grey and salty .Now I realized what my boyfriend's father(Rod) and even my own mother had reminded me from time to time...

NOT TO LET PEOPLE WALK ALL OVER YOU, because once they starts doing it to you and you forgave them , they will do it to you over and over again.. my boyfriend's father and my mum are wise, wise people and I regret not listening to them, and I made a vow to change how I feel and now I am inhaling good energy already
And now I am back to being productive again doing the storyboard for my project and gonna be working on them after I finish this.Suddenly my world thats pink in colour is filled with marshmallows and chocolate muffins again...

You are a No Drama Mama!

No need for drama, you just chill out and don't let things bother you
You've got a peaceful, zen-like attitude... even when things get crazy
You're a pleasure to be around, and you have lots of friends to show for it
You don't need to be the center of attention, you're happy enough as is!

Sunday, 9 December 2007

Gimme some love

I woke up pretty late today, Im glad I did that since I had been whining a lot about not having enough rest lately.
I went to the Library I wanted to return the book Ive borrowed weeks ago.
The National library is in Jalan Tun Razak , Kuala Lumpur, the bad thing about this library is it is not centrally located as in there is hardly any public transport.. bus for instance, I had never seen them there!
I drove from Jalan Yap Kwan Seng coming from the city centre, and had to go through a very long way and traffic jams , therefore today I have decided not to borrow any books anymore.I would say the location, the lack of public transportation, the filthy ladies toilet , the lack of knowledge of some staffs and the unhygenic cafeteria are my reasons not to go back there, despite being A Malaysian who loves to read and would like to use the library and enjoy the facilities.Today, I think I had enough.

But nice building though ,Like the unique roof.

Friday, 7 December 2007

shut up !

Its a grey wet day again today.There is a counstruction site in front of me , by the window that used to offer a peaceful sights such as the forest that supplies so much fresh breezy air .No doubt that our house price will go down by several percents having this high rise condominium project next to us.The level of noise and the traffic congestion that it had caused is just too painful to talk about.
If only I have the power to NOT approve a project ,If only I have the power at The City Council ,I would not approve this one just for the fact that the access road is too narrow and I dont see that this developer intends to build another road .. as they are no more lands available. and secondly because its too near to the forest reserves and too near to our building .Many times my aircond unit were shaken , and I feel the vibration from my floor as Im typing this due to the next doors pilings and excavating. What used to be a nice peaceful place is now hell.

Thursday, 6 December 2007

Perasan = thats stuck up, pretentious in Malay.

I do sometimes go out for a drink or a meal with friends,As much being a person who enjoys doing things on her own , I occasionally goes out with few friends that I find quite pleasant to be with.I hate going out and handle dramas and bitchiness let alone stupidity of some of my acquaintances who likes talking silly without thinking and being inconsiderate and later apologise and claim that it has to be their rich upbringing and how spoilt they are .. big deal!

We(my brother and I) were out last weekend, my brother were playing a game of pool , and me having a nice conversation with a friend,I saw few scantily clad Malay and chinese girls hanging out with their Mat Salleh (caucasian) boyfriends and the ugly part is one of them allow that ugly, sweaty and old looking drunken caucasian men to fondle her well endowed breast and she seems reluctantly happy with it and giggle , Ok .. its not my breast , why should I care ? but If I stop caring maybe I might as well stop blogging and stop living!And I think no matter how much you want to be with a guy , you have to have respect for yourself .

I do have plenty of caucasian friends male , female , professionals, jobless all sorts. Im dating one too. but I was wondering if an Asian girl starts dating a caucasian men, would they change themselves for their men and do they love them because of the regular reasons people fell in love or solely because of their colour and just colour?

I know few girls like that ,some of them even starts to miss eating turkeys and halloween, starts taking almost naked pictures and published it in their friendster/myspace/facebook profiles to show the world they are mat sallehs, starts to love sunbathing , but when no one is looking they go back to their village somewhere in rural part of the country and wore a headscarf and traditional dress pretending to be a nice muslim girl(Just imagine if their parents sees those pictures of them in their skimpy bikinis and hanging out with their hairy mat salleh boyfriend on the same bed? he he ,he hillarious).These are the kind of people I hate hanging or even having a conversations with , when they are in clubs all that they think about is their aim to go and get mat salleh men into their sack that comes to an extend that makes them look cheap' .I would not mind if they are doing it as a business, but I dont want to go out , use my own money to buy my own drinks minding my own business and being labelled as a 'fishermen with a fishing rod' just because other girls of the same race, only stupid, are doing it.So where are these girls before they started to miss sunbathing , eating turkeys ,escargot ,drinking champagnes and all the things a matsalleh would do?

Gosh,Im about to puke...

Im sure their Malay parents in your 'Kampung'(village) never taught them about their self identities and respect.I grew up flying allover the world and having all sort Global cuisines, going in and out of functions with my parents ,went to private school and mixed with people of every colours you can think of. I can claim that Im a 'coconut' who has white part inside of me if I were that stuck up Malay, but I won't, Im a Malay girl and I'll always be .. rice and asam pedas(a type of Malay dish) will always be my number one food .Because my parents are well educated and came from good families, they taught me some principles in life and Its pasted to my head.

My boyfriend is a Mat Salleh as I mentioned few times , we were introduced by a friend few years ago and we hit it off right away, at the first place I thought he is a smart guy who can engaged into any sort of conversations , He is aware of every issues that people talk about from global warming ,religious issues to Michael Jackson's trial, and later when I took him to hang out with my friends from directors and ceos of companies to chefs and lawyers, He just got along with them very well. Ok.. enough, I think you have got the point, I have a smart, boyfriend and He is good looking too . Enough said.That was the first reason why Im attracted to this men and if only this person were born a Malay or Indian or African , I want to be with this person , I like his personality and mind and this is pure and honest from me.And despite a person saying that Ive started to sound very English since being with him , they definitely do not know me long enough,to know that I went to school and uni in England, and they definitely don't know who I am before I met my boyfriend and of course they don't know what kind of life and family background I have.See, I mentioned before, I dont do bragging and show offs.Im only a person who speaks my mind and thats a taboo for some people .. good or bad I have my own opinion .

Dating a matsalleh'(caucasian) men did not change my preference of food ,clothes, hobby or size of my breast and nose.I am not a pretentious person and I still hang on to my nerdy hobbies like collecting stamps and gardening.I have all the freedom to be myself ,Let alone changing my name into a matsalleh name or bow to them. its sad when you became a slave to men and try to be someone you are not.I just hope that no matter how eager you are to change yourself into someone you are not , take a look at the mirror sometimes, and justify that reflection upon you.

Proud to be A Malay girl and will never change.

Mat salleh=caucasian men
perasan=stuck up, pretentious ,pathetic in Malay

Wednesday, 5 December 2007

I just want to share my feelings and thoughts .At this moment my mother is having her usual headache due to hypotension(low blood pressure) that she had inherited through generations ,I got it too, when I dont eat my daily required amount of carbohydrates I start to feel dizzy and sometimes starts to shiver but thats not the only thing that I inherited from my mother...

Food glorious food ,
My mum is a good wait,no She is a GREAT cook, she can cook just about everything.Al though she was literally born in a family who have people doing it for her ,Apart from cooking and being good at it , both of us loves luxurious confectionary, expensive nice restaurants and trying new menus.I feel proud of my mum, when friends pop by to my house they always said nice things about her cooking. My boyfriend always said "its not as nice as your mum's or yours " with a dissapointed looking face whenever he had chicken or beef rendang at restaurants what a compliment!of course I agree to that .

Yesterday, me and my beloved mum went for shopping and I ended up buying few pairs of shoes and a handbag.After that we went to Chillis (again.. two days in a row) and I had a fairly nice chicken quesadillas( Although I would say they have not try my quesadillas yet !) and my mum had salmon as usual as that is the only place that has a simple grilled salmon full stop I would say most of the restaurants in Kl serves 'fusionated' salmon like salmon with mango sauce and other silly things thats straight up yucky". When we got back, my mother made me some Tom Yam noodle , it is one of my favourite food and I ended up having 3 big bowls of them, I forgot that I also bought a huge cheesecake made by a Japanese cheesecake bakery (yes they only bake cheesecakes ) and that was awesome . what a feast!

Growing up having your parents friends coming over to your house , and having other friends taking turns to entertain us in their house is just wonderful , the kids would sit on a different dining table or the patio , the adults would eat and talk in the main dining and having a laid back time.
Now that Im an adult, those memories made me smile whenever I think of
them .I am glad to have found a men,my partner in crime whom like me , treasures simple joy in life like having few friends over for food and fooling and running around in the garden after that.In the UK my favourite entertaining food and I think it has become my trademark, has to be Thai red curry because I think Im quite good at making it besides it is simple and everybody seems to like it,folowed by few bits and bobs like coconut rice(nasi lemak),parathas , stir fry and heavenly puddings .At times my boyfriend has to calm me down , while Im planning for our mini banquet" therefore I wont go to the extreme by making my own icecreams and getting minced to make my own burgers for our barbeque.

Those are the things that women of family enjoy doing ,My mum and grandma loves English Chinas but I love the colourful etchnicky' plates that I have in the Uk and I think some of the things that Ive bought from Pnomh Penh are just beautiful. I think I got carried away there , fortunately I ve got to stop before I start to talk about tablecloth ,silverware and so on..

Im off now , there is a new Restaurant that we are about to try ,therefore I have to get ready and go now, bye.

Thanks and words of gratitude and sucking up
I am so happy with what I had bought yeaterday and would like to thank my beloved boyfriend because the shoes were from him and also my mum who always advice me to get a matching handbag when you get a shoe and that made her bought me the matching handbag yesterday.

Tuesday, 4 December 2007

Who are you?

I live in a so called posh condominium -in a so called upmarket area in the City Centre.Yesterday morning ,I had to pay my water charges at the Management office that is located at another block, My mother drove me there as we were about to go for our breakfast and do some banking matters.
The Nepalese security guard rudely asked my mother not to park her car at the spot because it blocked his view! he talked back at me in a rude manner .Just for the record, my mother was waiting in the car at the time , therefore I dont see the need of being rude to me and my mother .This is my house area,I paid service charges that pays your salaries and you are not a policemen anyway, get over yourself!

I had always been nice to people any race or colour ,I don't care and Im not the kind of person who would label and be rude to others if they don't start with me.I just won't!
But then again the event yesterday and of course few things that I saw last week is just frustrating.

I bet its ok if my Caucasian neighbours whom I think came to Malaysia on a tourist visa and not having proper jobs (as they just hang out and dissapears for a break in Thailand every now and then to get another fresh entry to this country)put their cars there .But because I am nice and I am a local, I was treated that way.And they are the one who came here to work!THIS IS MY PLACE , MY COUNTRY AND I WAS BORN HERE .IM A MALAY WOMEN FROM MALAYSIA.

Am I being discriminated in my own country?

Maybe we welcomed too many of all these foreign workers. , I dont expect a bunch of 'small sized' Nepalese who don't speak that much Malay or English would be able to take care of my security and safety.Do you?

Sunday, 2 December 2007

Pleasing myself

I think my "tired o' meter "has reach its limit ,Lately, Ive been feeling tired like 24/7,and at night I couldn't sleep .My knee problems got better since the last time I wrote, maybe because I had lost some weight with the exercises that I've been doing but aching bones ? they are here to stay.Of course I've been avoiding the sun, which is dangerous for people with Lupus, luckily my mum had changed all of my house's curtains into darker coloured ones to trap the sun rays(just for me).
I am just so tired, that sometimes even talking is hard enough , I even wants to make my sentences shorter in conversations.

The other day my mum asked me to write about Lupus and what I had gone through.I don't know at that time what good will it bring just by doing it , I find the subject rather painful to talk about .My flaws and how I regard Lupus as the ugly beast that I can't even see , but I know it lives inside me and told my immune system to go againts my body,Invisible beast that is .

But I understand now..ignorance and lack of informations sometimes cost lives.Maybe for a start Im going to write about getting treatments, Like the dilemma of patients who can't go to private specialist because its too expensive .
So far I had never paid less that RM380 on my visits to my Malaysia's private specialist just for a consultation and thats not including blood tests that I have to do on regular basis and in the UK ,which is a different story .. it doubles or triples that amount

... but then again, to see Rheumatologist in Government Hospitals , you will have to wait for ages.More than 3 years ago, I had tried to get an appointment at a Government Specialist Centre to see it's Rheumatologist, but I had to wait for 2 months!So I said 'forget it, Im dying and lets do private '.Private means own pocket money. Lupus is classified as a chronic disease, so do your own calculation!
Though I am finding it difficult and painful to talk deeper about Lupus, I think this is definitely a good start for me.I intend to start a personal campaign to let more people know about Lupus.It had killed so many lives , Lupus killed the old me , but Im back and Im going to make THIS life,better , more meaningful and more colourful than it used to be.

For now, Im off to my balcony to savour this hot chocolate , evening breeze and joie de vivre.


I want to express my condolence to the family of those paratroopers in Langkawi.During their training exercise for LIMA (The Langkawi International Maritime and Airspace )that will be held this coming Tuesday ,suddenly the strong wind blew them off the course and out to the sea,3 of them died.

Wednesday, 28 November 2007

This put a smile on my face

Remember my previous entry titled "I will fly to you"? well, if you have not read it .. what are you waiting for?!!
Referring to that, I am so glad that the newspaper had reported days ago that Qatar airways will change their fleet!

Qatar Airways upgrades Doha - Kuala Lumpur -
Bali route to Airbus A330

Qatar Airways has upgraded the aircraft on its highly-popular Doha - Kuala Lumpur - Bali route to an Airbus A330 offering passengers in every seat with a fully interactive audio and video entertainment system.
Qatar: Wednesday, September 19 - 2007 at 10:27 PRESS RELEASE

Thats wonderful! and I will certainly fly with them again.

Monday, 26 November 2007

What is wrong with you?

Let me just claim my stand upon political subjects..I couldn"t be bothered and wont let my stand and priciples be shared or publicised even among friends.This is not about politics or racism.Im just writing according to my feeling and how I see things .I am not interested in being the hero or miss popular therefore there is no need for me to show off my intellectuality,courage or public relation persona"

I just dont like it when I saw this video . While browsing on youtube to check out AlJazeera"s report on yesterday's Hindraf demonstration or rally or whatever they called it, I stumbled upon this video and clicked on it .I was surprised to see the action of throwing stone toward the temple, and I also think the manner of doing it ,especially (if its true what the MP said) It was 2 weeks away from The Hindu"s celebration of Deepavali , Why cant the local council wait at least until the celebration is over?
I certainly expect more from the local council,especially at tackling sensitive issues like religions. The manner of it is so wrong and they have got pictures as evidence.If those photos were not graphically altered ones.. I would say that those enforcement officers were very rude and silly.
It is not only sensitive to the Hindus, but disturbing for us of a different religion and race to watch. I am sure I wont be sleeping tonight.Can we please RESPECT each other ?

Saturday, 24 November 2007


Have you ever meet a person that is so annoying that you wish He or she will move away to The Galapagos before you decide to do so?

Apart from people who cut on queues at the Supermarket"s check out counter and those who speaks on their mobile phones while the movie is on in the cinema ,I find people who thinks that they are "everything" annoying.I would like to share among the most annoying people Ive ever met in my life.

Should I call it hatered?like I hate you!. I observe hate as a strong and harsh word to be applied to an individual , a human , a person. But this is an exception.

I used hate so many times ,"I hate long skirts,I hate dusty road,I hate strawberry mousse cake but seldom on human except for certain terrible circumstances.

I never talk about it ,at times I forgot that this person who hurt my feelings with his snobbish attitude ,as this person was NEVER important to my life , and whatever that person did , it does not really played an impact into my life as much as it hurts my mother , She carried me in her wombs and her blood is mine , It is not wrong for her to hurt even more whenever Im hurt , hence, telling to write about this particular person whom I hate and had removed from my life .
Since I was a little girl in the kindergarten, my mum would protect me from getting hurt physically or emotionally.I have a fragile heart and people often breaks them , She was always there to wipe my tears and later being mad at herself for not protecting me enough.Well,I dont blame her,I do feel like that when people hurt the feelings of my loved ones.Thats why we are human.

Human don't make hearts and feelings ,Therefore, we have no rights to break it

I did not and never did anything wrong to this person, but He had an impression as if I had a crush on him, I am sure he is reading this as he has got nothing better to do except for flashing his machine and telling everyone the title that he has got on his forename.You know who you are, Just so you know, I NEVER had a crush on you neither that I care about whatever you posess , at the time when you had the impression that I was playing an eye contact with you, I was listening to your bullshit on how great you are and your stupid principles and philosophies.To be honest ,at that moment, I was thinking about my mum"s business trip to Jakarta and could not take Jakarta off my mind.

I am not like girls you met before me , doesn"t matter if they are "wannabe part-time" models or first time soap actresess (the type of women you said you like ) I am the women who still eats at nice places , wear nice clothes with or without men in my life .At this moment, touch wood I neither need to sell my body parading in public to be glamorous nor I need to fake pregnancy to get any men"s attention and money. Im always a glamourous diva who runs her life fuss- free- no drama way.
Nevertheless, I had bumped into this person few times, but with the presence of my loud " friends He did not dare to come and say hi to me .

I remember when you rung me and start to raised your voice for a reason that even you can"t really confirm and I yelled back at you and suddenly you hung up .. Why?
No women ever yelled at you before ? Now, I want you to remember that Im the first one,try humility when talking to people next time, we call it MANNERS Its not worth having this kind of friend anyway. Be careful with this kind of men , they love to twist and turn it as if we women were the one who wants them.

I am happy that my beloved boyfriend .Just like me, chose to live our lives conflict free , I had enough soap operas to watch on TV ,I dont need to apply them into my life.

Last but not least ,many years had passed... Im doing great and the only reason that Im doing this is for my mum ,I had never met a person as rude, proud and snobbish as this person .

Anger is not good.. and you need to see a shrink dude"

This one is for you mum!

Thursday, 22 November 2007

That is not nice .. and you know THAT.

I ve been feeling tired lately ,My physical and mental ability has slowed down a little, It had been two days that I have not practising yoga eventhough I do need the stretch.Im tired and fed up of all the wrong things thats going on in this world , for someone like me ,who had gone through a lot in life, all this stupidity is uncalled for.

I dont know why people said ugly words towards others, I don"t really see the need of it. People who called you friends but hurts you intentionally and pretend like everything is ok, people who stabbed you and kicked you when you are down, all this pretentiousness.. ,and the worst thing is I just let them do it to me.

I know what you did behind me.
I had been sincere in friendship and had always been there for my friends, through good or bad times.

When you are happy I am always happy for you, and when you are down , I will try my very best to cheer you up.

The mirror has two faces and so does fate ,treat others as you would like to be treated.

Note *
There are few friends that "messaged" me today and asked me to update my blog.Thanks a lot,I Will write more tomorrow as I dont feel well today, I have so many issues that I want to write about from cheeky to serious.Once again Thank you for supporting sayangkuazura-Az

Monday, 19 November 2007

Memories from my journey (Why did you treat me like that?)

To travel or not to travel. I love going off for holidays , journeys to the unknown land , exploring the markets and museums , getting to know how the locals live .I definitely got it from my parents , as a kid I remember being taken along on a road trip visiting historical places and state houses.Even when its just the weekend my parents seldom allow us to just hang out watch cartoon, I remember those nature walks , trip to the waterfalls, face to face encounter with a tiger and once, wild boar.
I dont mind the hustle and bustle to pack and organise a trip , but I just cant stand the journey on the plane.I have a lot of stories about planes, airlines and people who work for the service provider.Some pleasant and some not and some were straight up painful and bitter.

Back then when I was disabled ,my journey from England to come back to my mum were often with KLM as they have got services from a nearby airport, at the time I was in desperate need of medical attention, so I decided to come back to Malaysia for a bit until I got my health sorted.It happened almost 3 years ago, but I can remember it so clearly,When I arrived at Schiphol airport with my connecting flight from England I had disable assistance, they took me on van and later on a buggy. What I cant believe up to this date is how could that lady ditched" me without a wheel chair in front of the departure gate without notifying her co- worker? Yes, I almost missed my flight, I saw everyone got on that plane and I was seating on the chair helpless and had to crawl to get on the plane with my backpack. As soon as I got into the plane ,I asked the stewardess to help me with my hand luggage, instead of helping me, she told me to do it by myself while pointing at the compartment, and on this journey too, I had to wait an hour to get a glass of water.I have to say that I almost died of dehydration and that was very rude!the only reason I didn"t lodge any official complain was because I was hospitalised right after arriving .To be fair , few of my friends have something less nice to say about this airlines and to be honest, the seats with them are NOT really cheap.

The next time around , still on the wheelchair ,with Malaysia airlines , and I won"t complain about the airline as I found the cabin crew were very helpful and caring. BUT the ground staff at KLIA ,once again! same incident, abandoned me at the arrival hall!and because of that many confusion had happened and I couldn"t find my mum who was waiting for me for hours.Thanks! for nothing!!

Now that I can walk again, whenever I find people on the wheelchair on their own ,I always ask them if they are OK.I dont want anyone who can"t walk to encounter what I had experienced.
I would also like to write about "good" airlines and the food they served, but I think that will be in my next entry.

Thursday, 15 November 2007

Transformer (Dont ask why)

No matter how I try to hide my frustration and sadness , it always comes back to me.
I want to be able to do what I used to do , like going for hours of shopping marathon and not feeling tired , not having to spend a bomb on my medications , trust me they are very expensive no matter where I got them from.Oh! how my life has transformed, and I am still trying to adapt myself to it

Im itching while Im typing this and thats the reaction from my medication, corticosteroids, hydroxychloroquine sulphate , aspirin and cod liver oil (to help my aching joints ) has become my twins, I rely on my medications

How long will I have to live like this? Will I able to live a normal life one day? will any smart scientist create a medicine to cure this disease? I DONT KNOW
As much as I pretend to be a normal person ,I am NOT and that is fact.
I am not looking or seeking for sympathy , I dont need them ..I dont need people coming to me and say "Awww, Im sorry .. " because it make me feel so defeated , something I"ve never been until this killer disease took over the whole Az,
turning the old happy bubbly Az into a less happy and bubbly person , turning an outgoing person into THIS person.And not to mention turning the slimmer me into the less slim person I am now, the steroids seems to plump up my appetite , and I had put on 10 kg from my normal weight therefore I have to get new clothes and do some power exercise Sigh...
I have not been wearing my party shoes for ages now, wonder when was the last time when I went out with friends and feel like before , those days when I dont have to worry about my medicine and disease expenses, those days when I know what Im doing and confident in whatever I do

My mum, boyfriend and brother always said to me, voice out what you feel and dont just keep it like you used to do, and there you go , I had puked some of my dilemma-yes, only some , wait until I tell you about the sunsensivity that people with Lupus suffers.I cant be exposed to the ray of the sun.

I want to wear my party shoes again ...

Tuesday, 13 November 2007

I will fly to you

Being on the plane for a long time is such a pain. My activities while sitting on the plane varies , depends on who I sat next to , as sometimes I do encountered strange "neighbours".
I would say that in this few years I had been in and out of planes very often and had fair share of experience meeting friendly and not so friendly people in the transport.

Manchester airport as usual , busy and packed and for goodness sake, the longest queue award goes to Qatar Airways"s counter, They seems to offer reasonable prices for journeys to Asia.I dont mind flying with them ,although usually after a transit in Doha they would give me a plane without the interactive gadgets and personal screens to go back home to Kuala Lumpur, Im okay with that sometimes, as the food and service is good , but food alone is not enough to occupy myself ,I love to pick movies and the video games on the personal -interactive-screen and play games for hours, I even starts to call it "magic screens" , it kills time and boredom and a saviour when you found mysterious unfriendly people sitting next to you, even more when he even starts to scratch dandruff from his hair and sniffed it.
From the heart of a regular customer ,I am praying that officials from Qatar Airways will read this and will give a nice , updated fleet for its Doha-Kuala Lumpur-Jakarta route.

The last time I was on the abovesaid route,I met few interesting people and being human, love observing other peoples behaviour , I met a beautiful girl at the airport and she was very friendly , with her beautiful figure and striking pink shoes all the men were looking at her with interest,I had the chance to speak to this beautiful brunette at the departure hall and before I knew it... I was helping her to adjust her fake eyelash , thats how quick I bond with people!She told me she is a Tv presenter and I got excited and ask for the name of her show as I want to watch it , She explained that she worked for an adult channel , those kinky shows where girls wear lingerie and entertain phone calls and do whatever (I dont need to explain).But what touched me the most was when she said that she cant be settling down with her Middle Eastern Lawyer boyfriend as he hailed from a good background and she doesn"t, in fact she is off to Doha to see him because she miss him.Don"t judge a person by the profession they are doing...I am glad I wasnt judging her or ran away when she said she also did lap dancing as a profession,what a kind hearted girl ,to be honest, I think she is a better person than people who steals ,received bribes and backstabbed others in order to get what they want....

When we were on the plane, we sat at different places and there was a girl in a long yellow gypsy skirt and a kaftan top , her hair were thick, curly and long.
Nobody speaks or smiled at her . An hour through the journey and I had just finished watching my first movie,I can"t stand it anymore , I have to talk,Having the big mouth , I started to ask her about her destinations and where she hailed from.Let me just call her S, She"s an Afghan , and she was there when the Russians army and Taliban juts started to broke the fight, when she was a child , their house were ransacked and she hid in a water tank and covered the lid and she squeezed her nose and stop breathing to avoid making any sounds, and that was just the beginning , she told me the stories on how she escaped Afghanistan and were sent to London and how she marry her cousin and how his family build chains of jewellery stores in Dubai.S "s life is so fascinating and all thrilling at the same time.At that moment I saw the whole potion of the cabin were quiet, listening to our conversation.She even answered some questions from the Proffessor who sat on the left aisle.Its funny that nobody smiled back at her and even look at her like she"s an alien when she first got in.I am impressed for someone who had gone through so much , she managed to graduate a renowned University and bounced back .

I am winnie The Pooh , the friendship mascot
After 4 hours of loafing , eating and buying candies at Doha Airport I was finally called to board on a plane(without the magic screen) to Kuala Lumpur home sweet home ,and next to me was a gentlemen in his 50"s on his way back to Medan,Indonesia but before that, He would have to go to Singapore to collect his final paycheck for the work He had done in the oil field in Sudan. Apart from sharing his experience working abroad, he also told me about his wife , who runs her own sundry shop in their village, his son who is a mechanic and owns a garage in Batam and his daughter who is in Hotel Management School in Bandung.He had worked in so many places from Johor Baru to Papua New Guinea ,andHe thinks its time for him to relax and enjoy the fruits that he had planted.Ill never forget when I mentioned that Indonesian men are all romantic, unlike their fellow counterpart in Malaysia and told him about a friend from Bali, his advise were....
"No! Balinese men are too romantic , that they dont even want to work!what they do is romancing day and night.Guys from Jawa(Java) is way much better especially those musicians in the rock bands they worked hard and they are super rich!

Thanks for the advice and sharing of experiences.No matter where these people are right now, I wish you are in a safe place surrounded by people whom you love, that was the reason why we flew so far away anyway...

Sunday, 11 November 2007

I need you

I know that I talk a lot about lupus.3 years ago , I dont even know that they are such chronic disease ,a disease that almost took my life, a disease that crushed my spirit back then.My life experienced a U turn on my way to the top of my dream.I was young and ambitious and at the time, I had just met a handsome and kind gentlemen(RW) and the best part is he likes me too. Awesome ..!I used to say.
Everytime I woke up in the morning my fingers went numb, my ankles were painful,Its normal I guess at that time.I started to even lost weight and hairs.

Past is past , I dont want to even remember the ordeal ,but forgetting it can be such a selfish act.Many people who is in their early stage of Lupus wants to talk to someone, a "senior" who had been there and experienced the ordeal.I wish someone were there to be my Lupus buddy at that time.
I am thankful that I have found Angels , they are my Doctors.

I love my Rheumatologists

Dr KK Ho my Rheumatologist in Malaysia ,is a Doctor with a character, He jokes sometimes , He is a charming gentlemen who had many experience treating people with Lupus. How can I forget , when I couldn"t walk and looking all bulimic , He was there with me. He gave my family the courage and convinced them that I will be allright.Thanks for gripping our hands tight and giving us that assurance when my family were in such despair.

Dr Doherty of Classic Hospital Hull and East Riding is my Rheumatologist in England. I enjoyed my visits to her office, She is so pretty and so perfect to my eyes, When she speaks , she speaks so gently , I feel ashamed at times by her modesty , She is so successful,intelligent and yet so humble.She listens and she nods ,She is always there to help me.I have to admit that everytime I have an appointment with her , my heart often jumps with joy and hope , I even got up early , excited to see her again .As a women I adore her and she is definitely with other successful women that includes my boyfriend"s sister (Alison) and my mum(Korin) they are in "super women" book of mine.

I think that is why every mothers wants their children to be a Doctor, and why Doctors were born and not made.Medical schools didn"t made that brain .They sacrifice their time for other people .In my case both my specialist are geniuses and had contributed so much in the field of rheumatology .They both knows my personal life and always shares their advices on how I can lead a normal life.I had promised years back then.. that I will be 100% myself again, there is no cure , only remission and Im on the latter stage.I dont know when will the "Wolf"* strike again, crushing my life , like squeezing an empty aluminium can but for now ,I am going to take a deep breathe and enjoy what the earth offers me.
I pray that they will find a cure for Systemic Lupus Erythmathosus soon.

Friday, 9 November 2007

It takes all sort of people to make a world.In my world I am glad that I have more good than bad friends .
What makes a good friend?..hmmm
Oh yes.. I do have not-so-good friends too, the one that stabbed , punched and kicked me when I wasnt looking .
To everyone whom I call friends, I will never forget your kindness , laughs and jokes .As I said in my previous blog ,I want to keep you guys with me all the time but Its not going to happen , we cant be together all the time , good times dont last forever and thats the fact that I still cant accept because whenever you guys are far away from me, I think about you and your face.

When I was paralysed and terribly Ill, I weighed 44kg and I was emaciated.I was almost bald and An experienced rhumatologist even said ...
"If you wait for another week to come and see me.. I dont think you would be able to make it"
I once prayed that god would take me out of those pain once and for all .At the time I could see who are my friends and that is people who gave me hope , who smiled, who asked me how Im doing and people who prayed for me, Thank You .

Me and my beau
Roger is my boyfriend ,He is also my best friend and He was there for me when Im ill , when Im down , when Im wrong and when Im right, We had laughs and even cried together.I love this men for among all ,his intelligence, experience and credibility.
I can"t tell all the details ,I respect the privacy of his and of our own little world.
He could have walked away , but Im his comrades, and in this battle named LIFE he saved me and gave me so much motivation to fight and carry on fighting until the
end .

How about friends from the past... hmm Ive been thinking about them more lately ,

I am here, sitting quietly , and I will be there whenever you need me

Dr Sangeethambikai Maniam , we have known each other since I was 7 and I really am glad to have known such intelligent, beautiful and ever so polite person,She was always the nice and sweet one in the class , we always go to the loo together. Im sorry I didnt get to wish you Happy Deepavali personally as I know that you are very busy working in the Hospital.Thanks Angel,When I was in pain 2 years ago and back in KL ,you gave me motivation and medicinal advice.

Im here to help you sort out your head and after you are Ok , Ill be off far far away
I would say it would be a guy called Saufian he is famous(I dont think he will be too happy when he reads this being the modest ,simple guy he is) He"s definitely in my cool" people book , I still look up at this person I met when I was a temp at a radio station , he might not realised this but sometimes when I told him about my problems and dilemmas at the time He always said "Its all easy " and until today .. I often said to myself "Its all easy".. like a mantra whenever I face new challenges .oh yea he got me a television hosting jobs too,you are a very humble person and I respect you .

We talk about everything and we are so Siamese twins we are

Susie, who is also a good friend of mine, I adore her for being the intellectual , independent and fun person she is.My good friend, who literally take care of me when I was Ill . When Im less ill ,she took me to Tesco, we go for lunch and even when she had stomachache she took me to the hospital to get my medicines and I forgot how many blood test she had accompanied me to! Sometimes I think its great that I got to know her through my boyfriend -its like 2 in 1 combo !

For now why dont we look through ourselves and ask what kind of friend are you? and what kind of friend are you to your friends?.

Wednesday, 7 November 2007

Before lunch....
That was me , my brother , my mum and Janaki (in green skirt) in the 80S.

I miss you Janaki....

I still dream of Kak Janaki sometimes , usually the dreams revolves around my childhood reality , incidents and activies that we did many years ago.
When I was barely 7 , the first few weeks in school ,being a spoilt , over pampered little girl my mum and kak Janaki or fondly known as Kak Ki" took turns waiting for me in school and when busy body classmates asked me who that Indian girl was ? or is she our maid?
Little Azura answered loud and clear "NO she is my sister".
Kak Janaki were young at the time, she was the eldest in the family , her mother were a singer , singing in temples .I am not quite sure, but I think she was in a performing group singing from one place to another, She has 2 little brothers , her father is called Elappan and my father wants me to address him as Uncle Elappan.They lived in a wooden house far into a rubber plantation.Kak Janaki stayed with us since I was 4, my mum went to a brick kiln to get some brick for her garden of an acre at the time, and found this beautiful girl working hard at the kiln , as my younger brother will be born soon , we difinitely need extra help at home , and my mum thinks that working as a labourer at a brick "factory" is not a job for a young lady like her.Until today ,I think it was love at first sight for my mum and Janaki , they got on extremely well.She was hired and came to stay with us.
We had so many helpers who had worked in our house , all of them had been considered as family to me.But Janaki were among the longest and the closest.
My mother trained her personally from table setting and etiquettes, to fashion and beauty tips.
When we ate at a nice restaurant she ates with us, when we flew away for holiday ,she came with us.We had so much fun together and How am I going to call you our helper or nanny when you are already a family to me? A Frangipani tree , little BMX, a house on a hilltop just me , my little brother and Janaki.

All that I want is for you to be happy.

After many years of staying with us, Janaki had turned into this beautiful and graceful lady,while taking us to the shop to get our regular colourful candies and crackers , she came to know a guy , a truck driver .He likes her and gave her some pretty Indian bangles he got me and my brother presents too ! they fell in love and though my mum dont quite like her new "boyfriend but my late father persuaded my mum saying that Janaki cant be staying with us forever , she is a big girl now and deserves to have a family of her own.Months after that discussion that I overheard, my father"s job took us to a new city ,it was great there, and with a huge playground build just for us two at the back of the house .. its like growing up in a circus! and to add the joy at the time, we had another friend called Michaelangelo a blue persian cat of ours . Just like all of us I cant compile all the childhood fun we had in this blog or even the thickest book ,but we did have tonnes of fun at the time even when we took the shopping trolley and took Michaelangelo in it and went for a stroll and his tail were tangled, though I dont feel like laughing at the time .. I smiled sometimes thinking about me and brother"s stupidity and how Janaki bailed us out everytime.
Oh yea, she and her boyfriend .., they still writes to each other.

Here comes Deepavali
Kak Janaki went for her holiday , back to her village, at this time her parents had moved somewhere else and the whooping shock was ... she never come back to our house until... few months later , I received a letter from her saying that she got married and her husband had been abusing her, she asked if we could go and pick her up as her life is harsh and difficult.
We went looking for her with the address given, and were told by the people in that small town that she and her husband had left days ago.

Kak Janaki,

Its been years that we have not seen each other, my mother and my brother (ohh.. he is tall now) miss you very much, we had been trying to look for you allover with many efforts.My father had passed away a long time ago... that is only the beginning
of my letter to Kak Janaki. If only I could just see her ,I will tell her more and more stories and what had happened to us since the day she left.

And also... despite our different beliefs and race I would like to say that
Kak Janaki, Abang Aru,Hassan (our gardeners ),Ragu,Deevan they are my family.

Apart from Kak Janaki, I am still in touch with those who had worked for my father Im sorry as I dont mention all of them here because they were few that worked just for a short few years, when we saw one of them the other day, He hugged us with tears of joy running through his cheeks.

Though we are apart name it time and location , beliefs and situation.
This Deepavali , a festival that Hindus celebrates, I would like to wish you all A Very Happy Deepavali and wherever you are, may your life be filled with lights of joy and prosperity.

We are still hoping to meet Janaki a/p Elappan. No matter where she is , we want her to know that we hope that she is well and happy and just so she knows ,we always think of her and she is always so dear to our heart .Nothing could separate our sweet Janaki from our hearts.

Tuesday, 6 November 2007

What an orgasmic feeling

We were made for each other,
I like him and he wants to please me
Even when he is sweet or bitter
the peculiarly adorable taste of him makes me lavitate up to cloud nine

Dark or white its ok ,
We understands how to satisfy each other
and enjoy each other in our own special way
I peeled you through layer by layer
and in my head I thought
This was meant to be
Ive been doing this with you before my puberty.

Everybody knew it,
there is nothing they can say to change my love for you
I want you every morning
I want you every evening
I need you when Im down
There were times when I ravaged you without sympathy
Biting you allover .. At times ,I dont act like a lady
I am sorry darling,I do get impatient occasionally

Insatiable .... the more I have you the more I want you,
Addiction....I can"t even live my life without you

And now when you are near me, there are no obstacles anymore
I have all the money
and all the ability to get hold of you
To savour you throughout the day,
To satisfy my lust towards the sweetness of my baby
Oh Chocolate , I love you !

To my cadbury and chocolate brownies
by Az Azura

Sunday, 4 November 2007

wake up and smell the roses

This cutey .. loves hanging out at our garden in England, whenever im out drying the clothes She"s always running towards me as if She is saying "where have you been my friend?"
and followed me allover the garden and sometimes kitchen while I do my daily chores.

Little things in life that makes you smile.

These are pictures taken when I was in Melaka for a short break, i adore those Marigolds and the other one was the view from my hotel room.

You are full of bullshit!

Firstly ,I would like to apologise for my choice of word used for my title this time around,Im a Malay girl brought up in a Malay family , We dont curse , we dont swear, thats is not our culture. But again so does bragging and looking down on people.
Pride and humility is part of the principles that I was brought up with,let me just go straight to the point .
It pissess me off sometimes with some stuck up women especially when they are stuck up Malay ladies(I know !as much as I would love to love all these sisters and makcik"s they sometimes pathetically fell into this -weird ladies "categories)

Just for the note for "us" that means my family , having Ferragamos or YSLs slipped to our feet is just normal, its not a freakin" big deal! I still remember back than the ladies of our family would fly to London or the closest Singapore or Jakarta to buy their shoes.I could show pictures of my mum"s designer"s handbags collection and her favorite is Dior and Aigner -mind that she got rid of 80% of her collection as we were moving houses , when I took one of her old handbag to London , an admirer wanted to have that Christian Dior"s piece
and willing to pay a very good price as it is a vintage piece.

Its not wrong to be a fashionista , but it is extremely rude , when you hold my handbag in front of others to look at the brand. it is like ... you want to make sure and check on my status and how much money I ve got before you really befriending me,Shallow and straight up rude that was!Lucky that I was raised with manners and to treat people nicely and to be status blind.All that these ladies talked about is about brands and how they got this and that from Europe.All that I heard was Im this and and Im that , no small talk just BIG ,BIG ,BIG...bla bla bla

And also.. I forgot to also tell you that one weird women " were a guest of my mum a while ago and while my mum were in the kitchen plating some dishes, I cant believe she lift our cup saucer just to check on its brand.
Oh gosh!! what if it were a cheap chinaware? I think she might just walk out from our house !! thanks god it was an expensive one and also she is definitely in my weird friend"s list.

This type of women also hates to do housework ,
"I dont cook .. NEVER! I have my maid to do it."what I heard is - eeeuuuwww !

Come on women ! we are Malay ladies , of course we know how to cook we were born with extraordinary taste in food ,quietly I start to suspect that they are not real women"maybe they were a men.Oh yea..Her Royal Highness Tuanku Puan Pahang Tengku Azizah was born in a Palace with plenty of helpers in the kitchen , but I adore her as a women, as a chef and her ability to make Traditional Malay Delicacies and mind you that she is a Princess , a daughter to the Sultan and She is a future Queen who will be seating on the throne.

These weird women should be ashamed of themselves thinking , not- going- to -the- kitchen because -you- have- an -Indonesian- maid is a posh thing to say or practise".

I had never realised that the designer"s things grandma, mum and Aunts kept in their closets and chests are actually the object of desire by "weird women group.Just because they are branded...oh gosh Im rolling my eyes now , how can you be sooo shallow?
I dont feel the need to show off my wealth especially when its not solely mine.. I m not the kind of person who would go to people and say -hi I"m Azura, i went to boarding school in England , been to finishing school, Oh yea both my grandparents and parents went to school there too! my grandpa is a millionaire you see!
because I dont classify that as success , you are who you are not who your parents and let alone your ancestors are .I just dont understand but still impress by the courage of some people when talking big and bragging , though they do tend to have joker-clown quality in themselves sometimes.

If you think you are rich materially, they are always someone richer than you.

Then again insecurity might be the answer on why they are like this, after taking a short break while typing this blog of mine ,I finally understand that not everybody were born lucky and had experienced luxury at younger age , maybe they had a hard life and suddenly marries a rich husband and just starting to smell the luxury of having a driver and the leather seats of their husbands Mercedes, so they got too excited" and starts to brag non -stop to deny their insecurities and their low IQs
I adore the ladies in Tun Mahathir"s family , especially her daugher Datuk Paduka Marina Mahathir and her mum Tun Dr Siti Hasmah, they are confident and carries themselves well with or without carrying expensive handbags but again they are confident intelligent women with brains ..(like me , ha ha I wish).

As for me...who measures success with wearing designer"s gear anyway?

Ive tasted ,maybe not all but some flavours of luxury and I am confident Im a bigger person than them -weird ladies association" whether you have the money or you are broke , doesnt matter if you wear expensive clothes or not.. if I like you , you are my friend and Ill accept you as you are.

Friday, 2 November 2007

I cant't let it go

Im really bad with goodbyes.. In my very own word..hate it ,loathe it and how I wish that whenever I meet people that I like I can just keep them" Saying goodbyes at airports and railway stations especially,it makes me feel very sad, it feels like my heart had been crushed, smashed and left alone to heal by itself.
When I was a little girl ,I stomped my feet and cried whenever my parents guest were about to leave. and today, I cant be doing that , well its not really cute" when a 27 year old act like that isnt it?from Malacca to the Airport and direct to KLIA the scenery of palm plantations and villages .. I just ignore them, Im not interested , Im in this web of sadness and I cant find my way out.

Dont leave me" I wanna say
Tears, please in my eyes you will stay.
I cant take it anymore
I smiled , waved back at you
And here I am ,in the car watching you go
Put my hands to my face and the warm crytals starts to flow.

But.. this is how it is ,though we have so much love for each other in our heart , separations - name it temporary or permanently, is part of a humans life.I had great memories with those I had said goodbyes to, I kept a mental picture of all of them,they"ll accompany me along the way, your smile, your laughs ,jokes is always in my mind.Yes it is part of a humans life , a lesson for us to make every seconds a sweet moment, in another word to really appreciate the time spent with those whom we love.

I know you need to go,
life ain"t a movie where a guy would turn back unexpectedly, and decide to stay eternally.This is a painful reality . so for now Im going to keep all those sweet memories with you and put it on reruns over and over again and before I knew it,I will see your smile again at the end of just any airports arrival hall and your warm and loving hug will be waiting for me.

I miss you.

Sunday, 28 October 2007

My originals written early 2007 from my myspace before I found blogspot .Whats going on in my personal life > Symphony of Bitter ,Sour and sweet.

19 Sep 2007
Sadder than blue.
And now I realise...
Eversince I was a child I was always the bubbly one ,the chubby one and the cheeky one.I was my daddy"s girl.Not many kids could say that they had been where Ive been. Though usually kids who talks a lot often are not smart one in the class, I would consider that I wasn"t too bad .Always shine through all my test and examinations.I have to agree Im pretty slow when it comes to my most hated subject which is P.E .Damn I hate the subject and I cant even be bothered to change into my white T shirt and short.
Im writing this because I am so stressed at the moment, I know there is so much potential in myself,I grew up with my teachers and mentors telling me that I am special.I used tofeel that im speacial,I measured happiness by getting good grades in school and going to a good college but today I dont feel special at all.I feel scarred , bruised,tired and smashed as a person, as a women ,as a daughter and as a friend.
Where have I been?
Ive been self sabotaging myself all this while .
At the end of the day with my blocked nose while typing this..I am asking myself how I feel at this moment..
Im feeling so sad,alone and unloved.
And wish to get some peace in the sky.

18 Jul 2007
Don"t say goodbye.
Current mood: mellow Category: Romance and Relationships

I have been having nightmares lately,It wakes me up at 3 and I cant go back to sleep,I was wondering whats the matter with me,but I think its the emotional pain that I have been trying to conceal.
I ve lost so much in my life and I dont want to sound too melodramatic in this case,so its fair to say that throughout our lives ,we all lose certain things name it love or physical material matter,Ive lost career,health, material things,luxury,dignity,integrity and happiness throughout my( just over) 26 years of living.but thats nothing compared to losing your loved ones.
I am in love,so in love at this moment with someone..I see him everyday,I talked to him on the phone everyday,I ate with him everyday and so many other things we do together.But still I miss him everytime he is not in front of me. And soon I have to leave him for a while and Im already feeling really sad ,knowing how much I will miss him. He is my best friend ,he always put a smile on my face .
We had been through so much together,I am blessed to have a men who loves me just the way I am.When everybody resent me,he stayed by me, he fought for me .Even if tomorrow I stop breathing for good,I would leave this world with a happy smile on my face just for the fact that Ive been in love and loved.
I wrote him poems..many of them
I remember before I opened my restaurant,this bulding was an old building in the city centre,this men who were 80 at the time ,stayed there from 8.30 a.m to 5.30p.m ,his son would drop him off and pick him up after work.He has got a big mansion in the suburb of Kuala Lumpur but he chose to hang out in the house and did his paperworks in the afternoon, We weren"t sure what paperworks he was doing ,until he passed away, when I was about to do refurbishment works to the pre war building and convert them into a fine dining restaurant,We found pile of paper and was letters and poems he wrote to his wife who died 20 years before that. How much he missed her,how the kids are all grown up..yeah,like a journal ,a romantic journal dedicated to the deceased wife.I found the letters and poems ,only after a month of his death, how sweet is that? I promise not to love anyone else and thats what he did., love her,think of her till the end of his life.
Some might think its pathetic ,I dont care I still think its sweet how he could never forget her even after all those years.And this is the men who has everything ,cars and lots of properties .
This is the kind of love that I have in my heart, loving someone unconditionally and everytime I shut my eyes dreaming of my future ,He"s always in it.
I will never leave you
I think I got it from my mum.,Even after 16 years that my father had gone,she is still in love with him,I think she missed making him coffee in the morning ,making him snacks,getting upset whenever he decided to spent his weekend on a golf trip.
I cant believe it... no matter how she tries to hide it in front of me and my brother they were occasional hiccups to it, she cried last week just thinking of my dad.They were so many obstacles in their marriage seen through my eyes as a kid ,but they really practised their vows to care for each other no matter what. And until today..yup 16 years struggling her life with 2 (stubborn,spoiled) children,financial crisis and emotional pain she survived doing it on her own ,in her own way.She love him so much and knowing that he loves her very much too is enough,it completes her life.My mum has no social life since 1991.She was always with us or working or..doing her crochet.
Oh mum... what a terrible thing to inherit from you,I hate being like this,I want to be the girl who could just forget this men and go on with another men at another station..therefore,there s no need for tears and heartache
He wont read this,but I just want you all to know,I really love him unconditionally.
After we go on a saparate route ..will we return again to love each other?
to be continued in a few months time....

10 Jul 2007
Memoir of a baker
Current mood: creative
As always ,London never fails to amaze me,I had a good time just strolling along the Thames and and browsing through the craziness of Camden Market.Those are among my favourite places
When Im in such big ultra modern uber cosmo city ,serrounded by "modern - uber -cosmo-stuck up- society(and tourist..) I realized that all the ideas of my restaurant concept that I ve thought of before are not stupid at all.
I went to a cafe that serves great breakfast and the menu is dominated by it rye, wholemeal,white,crusty,baguettes and they spice and hype" the menu up" by serving it as a platter for instance bread with hummus or Tuscan syle dippings and all sort of funky bread dishes.I thought of the idea 10 years ago ,about opening a bread bistro " sort of a premium bakery to be precise, and the key word is healthy ,doesnt matter how many bread softener and improvers we put into the bread to make it taste all nice and fresh, as long as it look as if it is healthy.
I had my Tuscan platter that comes in a gigantic plate consist of 3 thin slices of crusty bread a dollop of cottage cheese,a slice of mozarella,2 slices of sundried tomato , halves artichoke and a spoon of olive tapenade(mashed olive) and I (well,my boyfriend ) paid £12.95 for that ,I paid almost RM 100 for breads.London and its hype".I can never live there.

Nevertheless , this cafe was packed during breakfast ,lunch,dinner .Its wonderful ,on how creative and inventive people are nowadays,(and how many people actually love to eat bread and only bread ,no matter when) and I thought ..wait a second ,I had THIS dream when I was 16 years old, I dream of a cafe with chic decor , a cute breakfast place that serves all sort of bread and funky dippings,.. although at the time the idea of having a posh sophisticated bread restaurant makes me ponder and laugh , still,that was the reason why I went to baking school at the first place!

At this time I realize that we all should never laugh at ambitions,dreams and inventions especially if its our own.

06 Jul 2007
Its hard to find love ..maybe we just wait around and see

Im writing this while getting ready to go for a night out.
Its sunny today, since the last time I wrote my life has change,but then again my life is changing all the time,Im a women and Im such a complicated creature,at least we women are brave enough to admit that we are complicated and have PMT"s but men?? they are SOMETHING ELSE in fact they are more complicated that us women,
Today J a friend of mine interact with me on MSN from Kuala Lumpur, as usual she had a fight with her boyfriend AGAIN ,and they decided to break off for a while (for the 387 times! :rolling my eyes with a sigh") ya know just to start testing their love for each other ,so she is single now ,again .
The issues that revolves around their relationship is commitment and his randy behaviour . I bet it is heartbreaking when all you want is to feel secure ,have a good marriage , being a mum and live in a decent home raising you child with the men you love. But lately We all get to independent and that has been mistaken for feminism,being a feminist ,men hater ,meneater whatever you call it, and men (except for my bro and dad and grandpa and uncles) are all....... well, I want to say the word but its too rude ,We talked for hours and discussed the dilemma of women nowadays
FYI they do this quite often breaking off and before you knew it,they are walking hand in hand again. J ..what a sucker you are ha ha .. jokingly I said that she is such a disgrace to modern women with principles and dignity, and she replied with SHUT up- mind your own business ".
And later ,I opened my mailbox and found this e mail sent by her.
Why its difficult for me to settle down
Nice men are ugly
Handsome men are not nice(her ex boyfriend belongs to this one)
Handsome and nice men are gay
Handsome ,nice,heterosexual men are married(which I seems to agree)
Men who are not so handsome and nice has got no money
Men who are not so handsome but nice and got some money thinks that we are only after their money

Handsome men without money are after our money
The handsome men who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual dont think we are beautiful enough
The men who thinks that we are beautiful, that are heterosexual,somewhat nice and have money are cowards or randy
The men who are somewhat handsome and nice and have got some money and thank god heterosexual , are shy and never make the first move!!
The men who never make the first move automatically lose interest in us when we atke the initiative
Now who the hell understands men???

And I thought ..we can never win ,(and I also thought ,Im not a complicated person after all!) but my advice J , If you want a guy as in a guy just to fool around there is a word for it in Malay and thats berlambak"(many) but and someone who really loves you , it comes naturally ,maybe you have or have not find him..I dont know ,and I cant tell you where or when you can find him.Maybe youll find the men you love when you are 36 or 56.Its only just the matter of time.
Yes there is still guys like my grandpa and your grandpa..
For those who has found love ,I m really happy for you ,its not easy to find love that fits like gloves ,The men who can put up with your tantrums and antics.The men who is sad when you are sad,glad when you are glad(Im starting to sing now).
For those who still have not find it, spare some space for that special one,he or she will come to you,as long as you still opens the door.
I am dedicating this one to my friend J with a wink who thinks that she is unloved"-I say" thats NOT true. (sun is still shining and Ill be charging for the next consultation ha, ha just kiddin) for now get your red shoe on and boogie" with your mates And also ... friends who has found love and sooo much in love these two..Charlie and Craig who will be getting married soon.Im so happy for you two!!! muah muah muah!!!! love you both so much craig had been like big brother I never had and Charlie is my partner in crime.A part of me will always be at the wedding .xx

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30 Jun 2007
Close your eyes so you dont feel them..they dont need to see you cry

Current mood: gloomy

Category: Blogging
The weather didn"t treat me so well today,I ran out of words to say lately,but then again even If I have so much to say,I would want to keep it in my heart,I do not want to hurt those people around me,It proves that I am not as good person as I thought I was.But confrontation ,anger and arguments are not my favourite words.
My expectations ,my dissapointments, my frustrations,anger and well ..sound so cliche, .. sigh",...pain..Let it be in my heart , let it be a secret,Im wearing a clown mask at this moment.
Maybe we expect too much in life ?
but ,we were brought up thinking that sky isn"t the limit .expectations and dreams are equal to ambition.As a human being, Im allowed to have dreams,sadly I didn"t follow that dreams,I changed my route.But in this new road there is always something in the way.
Well, decisions was changed due to time and circumstances.Priority changes,dreams put on hold or forgotten.I think I have better things in store for me,but it didnt turn out the way I expect it to be.
At this moment I been doing a lot of "what ifs? and I should"ves...
Would it be different ?,would it change everything?
I sat in the bathtub,and cried...and despite my positive ,happy image , at the end of the day I am human being,I have feelings .
I know I said to myself never to cry again and to fill every inch of my life with happiness and joy.I succumb to my feelings and l listened to my heart.
Before the next teardrops fall...
Im feeling rather weak and fragile now.I better jump into bed and read a comic book or something,something to at least make me laugh .
May tomorrow and days to come will be glorious for us all ,days thats filled with joy ,laughter and happy tears.

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07 Jun 2007
I need some sleeping tablets

Current mood: crushed
I feel very tired today, I tried to deny it ,but I am officially declaring today as my do nothing day"
NO its not the" time of the month" or "hormonal".Im not even in a bad mood, Im just TIRED.
My mum rang me very early today (5.45 a.m, UK time ) to tell me that my prime minister is getting married and he had officially announced the news, I felt happy and sad when listening to that,Happy that someone is getting married and sad because I am a big fan of his deceased wife , and I am sure that no one can replace that beautiful charismatic lady .
So, there goes my plan to wake up late again...straight to the bin, as I was encouraged by my mum to read Malaysian newspaper at approximately 6 in the morning. Yes...I got up and turn on the computer to check on Star online one thing led to another ...checked my e mail, replied my emails (I have 3 e mail accounts and managing junk mails are the hardest task if you are not a computer whiz))
Before I knew it ...I was having my breakfast and was forced to live like normal Az .
I am not trying to write my daily journal here,But at this time I feel like everyone has got a motive and I had become a target. and their main objective is to NOT let me sleep !!!!

Just when I thought that there will be no other interloper,I sunggled up under my blanket and cuddled up with errr grey teddy called Booboo(ssshhh.....) that was merely 10 minutes ..BAM!!! yup !some people knocked on the door...its the mailman ,guess what ? he has got a big envelope for me... can"t he just put it in the mail thingy" at the door?? politely, I said thanks! though I know the state of my hair was enough to scare him and make him vow not to return again.

yeah and the good part is when the mail was just a bloody catalogue.
I sat in front of the telly ,on channel 126 para comedy ...for " hours, and nobody and I mean NOBODY at all was making noise or knocking on my door,everything went silence as if i am living on Andes or Rocky .When it gets quiet ,I decided to jump into bed again..., right after my wringgling under the blanket and im all settled down beneath the precious white ,warm,,soft Egyptian cotton and ready to go to the dreamland.. GUESS who knocked on my door???? double glazie salesmen ,As if he knew that there is someone in the house and he knocked and ring the bell constantly like he had never seen a door bell before..
I could just
1)Ignore the door bell
(though at that point I didn"t know who it was and It could also be important,especially when you door was knocked like there is an earthquake or other emergency is going on)
2)Open the door but leave the security chain on and shout "I NEED SOME REST AND I DONT WANT TO BUY ANYTHING FROM YOU!!!!
3)Open the door and say "HI! I Ting Tong I NO speak English(geezz.I can get away with that..

But.... I just said Thanks but No thanks after a long yawning explaination of what his company is doing..I can be too polite sometimes.

Shut the door and Now With regret Im here to announce that I have lost my desire" to sleep...
I gave up and start doing my laundry and other house work.Looks like its not lazy day after all.All the body scrub,body mask and mini facial plan??They all has gone to the bin too...Now Im off to make myself some nutella sandwich.and head for the gym.

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29 May 2007
Why going to the gym is good for you

Current mood: ecstatic

I just got back from my spinning class at the gym, and right after I got home and eaten my Indian Chicken balti and chapatti from Tandoori Take away , its pouring again.I just love The English weather its wet all the time.
To be honest ,Ive always wanted to do this and I mean ALWAYS wanted to write a blog or as a little kid I called it " computer diary "See,I watched a lot of this TV series called Dougie Howser MD ,about a whiz kid who practise medicine (yup, he is a 13 year old Doctor)and at the end of every episode, he would type his journal on the computer.( He is probably the first blog author in this world).But sometimes I get to lazy .Its a good thing that Im on my own now,It makes me think creatively and finally write a blog ,besides I get to sleep and eat more chocolate than I should when Im on my own

What can I say about my day today??one word...
Eureka!! I found a new place to do people watching" ,just like some of us,I enjoy the occasional " lets go to starbuck and watch human antics" kinda hang out, where you sit while drinking your favourite caffeine blend,with your friends,you talk and make fun of other people.In Kuala Lumpur we can find this scenario around Bukit Bintang"s coffee outlets ,if you are on your watch the world goes by-(who are we kidding here? say if you see someone with say...a purple trousers and red shiny t shirt or a green cowboy hat ,YOU will laugh!... but quietly in your mind,in your heart,)If you are with friends you most likely talk about people who passed by,Its the new generation"s recreation.For me, there is only one starbucks where I currently am ,and the view and people who passed by it are usually the same identical kinda people.They mostly work around the area.YAWN ,same old ,same old.

What I had found earlier today is just amusing ,a real life soap drama in the gym,where I go 4 or 5 times a week .
Though months ago I cursed my own hands for signing the membership form and swears at this giant corporation that makes the human race all over the world to give them money so that they can torture us..Today all the anger towards this brand has gone,I will actually enjoy the gymnasium even more after today.Ill type about the health and fitness and the body image bla,bla,bla later .let me go on with this little tale of my gym.

Why I love going to the gym(just lately)

Reality TV Drama without the TV
Doing spinning class allows me to sit there and cycle ,while my eyes roving around looking at human"s behaviour.
My spinning instructor lets call him A is a nice men to look at and bless him ,he is so thoughtful and charming .You know like boyzone,westlife and all that? yeah,he is the kind of guy whom I think will fit perfectly into those bands.and because he is cute and always talking to me about my knee wonder ,this beautiful chick with smooth skin often stared at me with anger as if She wants to eat me alive I know why after months of wondering if I had done anything wrong to her..she is jealous! this little missy has got a crush on A , and here comes the dilemma of that girl that I dont even know her name(well, thats because she always stares at me and I got kinda afraid of her)
BUT , A likes this long haired girl who always wears fancy sports wear and when A was training us all ,long haired girl and A were always exchanging the "I want -you-so-bad-meet-me-later kinda look.But miss long hair " loves boys and boys loves her,if you know what I mean.
Pity miss scary look ", every girls and old women wants A"s attention,amongst that I noticed were

1)Miss I love- to- breathe- hard - when- Im- working -out- and- blow some wind -to -your -ear
(yup she"s always next to me and when she is out of breath she loves to blow (sigh)towards me..I swear , I dont smell )

2) Miss I -am -kinda- too -old(only 46_)- for- him- but- Im- gonna- give- him- a shot- anyway.-.older, wiser and better just like wines.
I hope one of them will get to be with A, will they pull each other"s hair ?will all 4 of them shares him?will the girl with scary stare stop staring at me?I hope to catch the last episode before I go back to Malaysia
For now Im just gonna carry on taking this class as I find it amusing to see these people and how they interact with each other through their eyes,knowing that eyes dont lie and there are 20 other people in the same class who could read your body language.Its better than eastenders,Its better than those Latin soaps.this is SO high school.
... and other reasons to go to the gym
Even the facial expression of some weight lifters were amusing,their facial reaction when they were working hard lifting weight..These are the things that motivates me to go the gym.When I go home I sit in front of the mirror and try to mimic their weghtlift face,cute really.Like the face of people suffering from constipation.
But of course last but not least... why I love going to the gym?...I enjoy the walk to and fro ,I can stop at Tesco express on the way and get lots of chocolate and fresh berries
The health ,muscle building ,fat burning and fitness benefit bits.(advantage of regular workouts )
Errr.... Ill talk about it later,because Im gonna go sit in the bath while munching on my newly bought cadbury bar.yawn.

footnote:please regard this as a fiction or just my plain fantasy as I do not wish to be sued by A or any of these ladies
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28 May 2007
All by myself.

Current mood: amused
Its raining again today..and tomorrow is a bank holiday and its going to rain as well...All that i ve been doing today is doing my yoga,sit in the bath with my rose aromatherapy cream bath( not petals-I think its such a waste to buy roses and crumble them into pieces just to look stylish ,rose petal bath are just for movies,or witch doctor"s mandi bunga),having my laksa noodles and enjoyed watching "the heaviest men in the world" on discovery channel.. Before that I was in front of the computer for hours playing on my simulation games(yes i do play online games how nerdy" is that.until I received a phone call from a friend from London who wants me to come down for an evening out as she is feeling rather down and bored.
I supposed living on her own for merely 2 days without her partner who had been for a stag do had made her the loneliest girl in this world.She then asked me how do I cope with living on my own most of the time,I start to ponder ,
Oh yea ,She also felt sorry that I have to be alone most of my life .
I am not mad ,slightly offended maybe,I know the intention is good)BUT...
I feel sorry for people who feels sorry for me,I am happy just the way I am ,I do think that I am quite a loner" ,but that does not make me uncool or unpopular, *Hollywood movies never did any justice when potraying a person who is always alone ,a.k.a loner(and also thanks to Virgina tech incidents)- for instance when you watched a TV show, the girl who is always alone are usually
a) ugly
c)psycho-dangerous and has a got bad intentions like to blow the school up
d)wearing teeth braces
f)a laughing stock
When... through my research ,and the feedbacks I"ve got from my friends when asked what they think of me
they all think that I am a fun person to be with ,despite my tendencies to reject occasional outings just to be on my own and at times ,and some of these people , they dont even like me that much, if they think that I am NOT fun they would"ve said it right to my face .So the conclusion is- I like to believe that I am a fun person.
(see if you feels bored ,you can always call people and asked them what they think of you,thats why I am never bored !)
Back to what I think of the conversation that I had with this girlfriend of mine,Girl,life is more than that, not having my loved ones by my side has certainly made me the strong person I am,I certainly cant complain when my late father left us forever ,and I dont have the cure and do not know how to undone death,I never complaint before and do not want to start now.So I go on with my life, and at 11 I moved on and cheered myself up,When I have some space of time that allows me to think of the sweet memories I had with him I just shut the button or do something else just like when you dont like a TV show,you either switch it off or be thankful when there is a commercial break.Like recently when Im in KL for months ,I dont just sit and sulk,I took pottery lesson instead ,and look at how many things Ive created from teapots to big pretty vases,THAT is my commercial break
So sulking and blabbing about your boredom and sad loneliness affair certainly is not my thang".there is too many agony and pain in this world and if you have a look at earth from the galaxy it seems like our problems are hardly a single dot.
I am definitely not bored,I am a loner,I enjoyed doing things on my own,having my own space ,doing it at my own phase.books to read,computer games to play,shopping malls to browse,little street with antique shop (while there ,make friends with the old men who owns the shop).
Dont feel sorry for me ..I am enjoying myself..Now ,if you dont mind,I need to go to the kitchen and make A Chocolate tart for me to enjoy all by myself..

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