Wednesday, 26 October 2016

Friend in need is a Friend indeed




I am sorry that at times I only think about my work, I am sorry that I find it hard to pack my bag and just tie a knot and move elsewhere to be with you.

The simple life and simple dream and simple norm that we had wished for  are good if bills and ambition doesn't exist


Thank you that despite all that we went through , the tears , the phone calls, the arguments that often ends with laughter.You still check on me every morning and every night when I am sick.


But we both know  that if it's meant to be, it's meant to be.
And if the love you have for me are true....
(silence)


Let's live our life good.
There will be no tears to cry but this feeling of someone always watching  out for me, even when I have never been a good girlfriend to him.


selagi ada hayat ini
ku junjung kebahagiaan mu
nanti bila sampai waktu ku
doa dan restu ku
menjaga mu selalu....
-kehadiranku-sudirman






Thursday, 15 September 2016

Rot with grace


Secret Admirer -The case of cat being copied

I  don't understand why some people without knowing /understanding what I do  wants to be me , are jealous of me, are talking shit about me without even knowing me well.






I had banned certain media  because of the tabloid quality shit they utter

Then I decided because I don't represent the companies that requires me to speak to any media, I have decided not to appear at all.I want to be quiet  and sleep well, because i don't think they are need of it.I am my business, if you want to produce a tv show  that you would pay me once  and have it on re run for the next 2 years ...that's not gonna happen.Money is more important  than fame to me.

In my entire career and  cafe/restaurant business,my financier was my family.If you want to have a dream  ,I would rather not take people's money.Restaurant business is tricky and you won't see your money back  after a year or more and that's if you are lucky.
So I take my risk at my own prerogative and not get people involved.

I am not a chef who went to school and studied  economics ,business or chemistry and decided to change career last minute because I didn't get a job.I am  a working chef  who studied culinary arts and worked for  hotels and climbed my ladder.


Meow.... the birth of  a clone, azura 2
I am not saying that i am the best ,but looks like lately some glamour-fame thirst bitch  who when i first met mentioned to me that she doesn't know me  but later told me that she had my newspapers cutting kept in between her books -had been stalking me and copying from my hair style  to my travels, this person  would go to any destination after I visited the place.This case of copying  is worrying me as she had asked money from her boyfriend/financier  to get a house near mine, to get a ticket to where I had been with a gap of few days,to buy clothes where I had bought mine.
Guess what... the world is small recently  I I happened to know the boyfriend/financier  is my junior school friend's ex husband (thanks for wrecking what they had) and I know the fame thirst bitch  azura 2 would be reading  this, afterall this is the only way she can find out of my travels.




dear Azura 2, I didn't respond when my  media personality friend told me that you are obsessed with me,I am not upset when you went to my friend's bar and try to get friendly with her   and told her that we all can hang out sometime,I just listened when my  tv cook friend told me that you told him that we are good friends. 

I am not your friend -I don't want to be your friend stop telling people that we are, i don't know you, I met you twice of which there were only hi and bye ,

 now to be honest... thanks for the flattery but  stop this psychotic game.Be original.
And  remember we are not friends, my malaysian work friends consist of mandarin oriental  and  regent fours seasons crew , we worked  together  and they are all real chefs- not like you.
You are fake.

I wish you all the success in finding yourself   and the proposed tv show that synopsis  was shown to me first.
You are not a spoke chef and don't lie to people that we are buddies.By the way , people at the oven company are aware that you want to be me, the owner spoke to me with the portfolio you sent him and they decided to go for someone more  original and loved ,

I turned down their offer  and they recently  hired another well loved professional.


I hate doing this.But you forced me to.this  entry is for my security and safety.





Monday, 15 August 2016

Which mask do you wear today?

I  am not sure of this conflict that I  have within myself.
everytime I stopped writing I missed it 
when I wanted to write, I do not see a commercial reason of doing it and I feel exposed  everytime I write.


I hate times new roman....it starts to bother me with this  generic font setting on blogger which is one of the reason  I stopped writing.

Lately...
Visited loads of locations I am travelling on a pilot speed.
I said pilot because I never want to be an air stewardess, ever since i was a kid I never dream of being on the plane serving others.I want to navigate but best of all now I get to fly and most of the time in comfort.

Today I was at the airline   lounge and the guy who usually brings me curry laksa, repeated his loyalty towards me as much as i am loyal towards Malaysia airlines, he brought me curry laksa  and coffee without me even asking.If someone read your mind as such extent,it's either he won the national empathy award or is it me who hangs out here and doing usual things too often.

The english guy across my table  on his way to Myanmar (everybody seems to go there lately?) smiled and asked me if i get lonely sometimes travelling and hanging out at airlines lounges.

I smiled back and said "I am lucky"

I truly think that I am lucky today.
Despite being sick last week and my lower back injury .I am lucky that yesterday my mum and brother asked me if i do not want to write my blog anymore.I am lucky so many cares,I am lucky so many brought me food and my  client brought me to a place that serves good chicken chop with black pepper sauce.

Sayangku Azura-will never teach you how to make chocolate mousse in a jar.
This little space of mine Of which i think about everyday - my heart wants to scream numerous things  here from politics, to ignorance of human race,stupid people who continuously breed and made loud ,rude kids,Certain types of food and metaphysics  and it's concept ,trade issues , people in the industry , egoistic personalities in my trade  or in general ,unconditional love that was betrayed  and how I succumbed to my own desire to fall again and so on.THOSE  stirred up  a mind like a blue and pink paint stirred into water at 100 rpm, not too fast ... but enough to  caused  a deep thinking confusion  abtract,mess

The mask of normal
But I am not writing about those,I keep my mess to myself and  give you space to see only the  beauty of me....
after all isn't that what social media is all about?

Showing off your beautiful side  and concealing the sick , dark ,mess, sadness you have.

At least my mask isn't that thick...I don't wear concealing primer.

To those who concealed their sad .painful stories -behinds a beautiful smile...I respect you,it's none of anyone else's business.You happiness, struggles and joy are for you to celebrate.They don't know, let alone  pay your bills.


Close your eyes so you don't feel them...they don't need to see you cry-Robbie William "eternity"






anyway here are some of my travel photos . 2016


merapi







Thursday, 10 March 2016

2016 conversation starter,game changer.

Wow,

My last post was November?


"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you."-Maya Angelou



The art of finding myself again  is not as easy as it seems, all these travels and work  are the best of experiences but sometimes dealing with people and  challenging situations  that sometimes can be tiring.Going through security checks , dealing with multiple heads ,dusts,weather, change of game plans...THAT can be tiring.

But I am ok now, resting and trying my best to use my time to rest to actually do some REAL resting :)

I was talking to a friend last night  about the challenges  we all faced lately in this country, this gender, this norm at this age of rapid changes of trend and technology


Changes 
How do we adapt to it, how long are we able to stay with the same  stereotypical life ?especially for me, how long am I able to stay in one place , after all ,there is a nomad inside me.Well,I am lucky my job now doesn't put me in a station where I am behind a desk looking forward for the next holiday.But if I were?would I be depressed sick?

Being thankful

We have to be thankful  at all time, we need to wake up every morning  with "alhamdulillah " mindset... we are alive,we are breathing , we are not hungry and we open our eyes to  a  ceiling, a roof on our head.we are lucky.

Exercise

Of an article I read recently ALL of my idol women exercises in the morning.I know I should , and talking about doing it  NOW could be  the start.

Dealing with bullies

No matter where you are ,school or work there will aways be people pushing your around to  the extent that you played along and  fell.People can be vicious,they wear many faces.I have never played that game.I know god exist and god will deal with them.I am  staying true to myself.


Opening your heart
To love  and to love  everything in between.I feel that problem always occur when a couple's or shall I say most  women's objective are all about the destination of the man-woman relationship.Instead of enjoying it on a day to day basis ,it has to be about the commitment, the  wedding, the engagement, the pre wedding photoshoot, the ring and the bla bla bla.
I just  love being in love.

Sleep
we all  need to have just the right amount of sleep at this age,march 2016.I won't tolerate the idea that needs me to sleep less.I want 8 hours full stop.

People who suddenly appear  out of nowhere

It could be people claiming to be your relative, your old friend, your kindergarten friend.
People who were never there  for you/ ditch you through your  hard time, people who used to be annoying  you/offended you  at school...thanks to social media they  can harass you at any time they wish for unknown reason asking you to be their friends.I say it now, I say it loud and clear.STOP IT.

Lemon and Honey
it works
I was doing the regime, stopped for a long time because i was too lazy to go to the organic store.I must say doing it bring me more healthy days than not doing it.


Continue taking pictures
I am happier when I take pictures with my DSLR ,lately I seldom do it.So 2016 is the year of taking pictures again .I do it for myself.




pictures taken with my iphone 6

Places I 've been December 2015-  February 2016

Pattaya

bangsaray

HOME!<3 td="">

Italy 

Dhaka
Riccione! my favorite city
Dhaka
A little spot ,somewhere only we know
Dubai
Do I have to tell you?,really?
Do I have to tell you? really?
Somewhere , when the cloud decided to dance with me
Dubai , one of the  prettiest restaurant I have ever been to.
I love penguins!
singapore
Melaka, after burger with my brother.

Dhaka














Saturday, 28 November 2015

Get it off your chest.

Exploitation and  manipulation?




I have nothing against women who use their sexuality to get higher in corporate ladder or  to steal another woman's man.
After all  it's their body and regardless of  our body sizes , we are allowed to be proud of it.

For the past few weeks saw  a lot bickering in between person A and a girl B  whom A doesn't know personally   but yet hate so much because B apparently , is flirting with A's  on and off boyfriend  (the status  says:IT"S complicated)
I was asking A of why she hate the girl she hardly know so much, not like her "onoff "(let's just call her boyfriend this )entertained any of B's  facebook  playful sexual invitation anyway!

She said to me "because she got big  bosom  and she flaunt it well in every pictures on facebook,  and during party session together with her "onoff" she was literally in a very sexy bathing suit.







from daily mail


I have learnt  few lessons from this conversation

1)Not all big bosomed girls are bad and manipulative.They are many  well  endowed women that are sweet and nice out there. :)



2)if you have a stupid boyfriend ,he would  do just anyone small or big chested
 or small and big brain

3)we,women can sometimes get insecure , but I don't blame this feeling .How many times in our lives we had been told that we are not what an ideal woman should be?How many times in a day our minds are corrupted with  the pictures of "5  foot 9 " clean porcelain skinned  women in medias.It's normal to be feeling less than "perfect" when they are so many image showing us  what  the world define as "perfect"  

BUT , next time please remind yourself that you ARE perfect.


4)If we lose stupid man in our lives... it's ok, let him sleep with  her chest as pillow Just imagine 10 years  down the road...
Love is suppose to make you feel better  NOT make you feel bad.

5)if you are big  busted girl  and love to flaunt it , expose it  and take pictures of  it  to be posted on facebook while thinking  you can manipulate either work place or your place  among your male social circle.Enjoy  the attention and the  11 likes , this is sincere  from me : don't expect to be respected because  when you treat yourself as a sex object , then...you are one.

6)Work result speaks, feminine  and sexual  manipulation  never works that far, I had seen in history-short skirt or not.WORK results speaks.

7)WE WOMEN  always always have  little here and there that we are unhappy about with our bodies.


No matter what industry  you hailed from, I am wishing all the women a fair game,  a paid off hard  work and may we all have that balance in between work , rest and play  :)



As for A my friend,I wish that she can see that the boy she is seeing now even from afar  cares for her,when she is sick, when she needs a back rub  or when she had a hard day just to call her and told her she is beautiful   :) .
I hope this relationship they have won't be tarnished by presence of  a women  big bosomed or not... an attention seeker who had failed to ruin a beautiful relationship but above all ,shown off her own insecurity.











Sunday, 15 November 2015

Islam , unity , peace and love

I am not a perfect muslim let alone a perfect  daughter/human/colleague/friend.

But I know that my religion forbid and condemn such act of  mass murder and bombing.It upsets me  on how those who claim to embrace it , perceive the religion as to how they want it to be.

I expect  a difficult entry for me to  europe in the future.

I remember of experiences  dealing with kindness of true muslim scholar ,nun and monks.

I remember my ustaz Khalid  my  muqaddam teacher  told me to never bully my brother and  be nice to people regardless of their  skin colour and beliefs.I am glad my muslim family embrace love as the rule as al quran mentioned


I remember  that we are related by species.We can't even harm an insect let alone of what had happened.

Beirut, Syria, France and everyone who  is going through  hard time, who is facing trials, who are victims of such cruelty result from the act of  those who use  islam for their own good.


I  feel hopeless.