Wednesday, 28 November 2007

This put a smile on my face

Remember my previous entry titled "I will fly to you"? well, if you have not read it .. what are you waiting for?!!
Referring to that, I am so glad that the newspaper had reported days ago that Qatar airways will change their fleet!

Qatar Airways upgrades Doha - Kuala Lumpur -
Bali route to Airbus A330

Qatar Airways has upgraded the aircraft on its highly-popular Doha - Kuala Lumpur - Bali route to an Airbus A330 offering passengers in every seat with a fully interactive audio and video entertainment system.
Qatar: Wednesday, September 19 - 2007 at 10:27 PRESS RELEASE

Thats wonderful! and I will certainly fly with them again.

Monday, 26 November 2007

What is wrong with you?

Let me just claim my stand upon political subjects..I couldn"t be bothered and wont let my stand and priciples be shared or publicised even among friends.This is not about politics or racism.Im just writing according to my feeling and how I see things .I am not interested in being the hero or miss popular therefore there is no need for me to show off my intellectuality,courage or public relation persona"

I just dont like it when I saw this video . While browsing on youtube to check out AlJazeera"s report on yesterday's Hindraf demonstration or rally or whatever they called it, I stumbled upon this video and clicked on it .I was surprised to see the action of throwing stone toward the temple, and I also think the manner of doing it ,especially (if its true what the MP said) It was 2 weeks away from The Hindu"s celebration of Deepavali , Why cant the local council wait at least until the celebration is over?
I certainly expect more from the local council,especially at tackling sensitive issues like religions. The manner of it is so wrong and they have got pictures as evidence.If those photos were not graphically altered ones.. I would say that those enforcement officers were very rude and silly.
It is not only sensitive to the Hindus, but disturbing for us of a different religion and race to watch. I am sure I wont be sleeping tonight.Can we please RESPECT each other ?

Saturday, 24 November 2007


Have you ever meet a person that is so annoying that you wish He or she will move away to The Galapagos before you decide to do so?

Apart from people who cut on queues at the Supermarket"s check out counter and those who speaks on their mobile phones while the movie is on in the cinema ,I find people who thinks that they are "everything" annoying.I would like to share among the most annoying people Ive ever met in my life.

Should I call it hatered?like I hate you!. I observe hate as a strong and harsh word to be applied to an individual , a human , a person. But this is an exception.

I used hate so many times ,"I hate long skirts,I hate dusty road,I hate strawberry mousse cake but seldom on human except for certain terrible circumstances.

I never talk about it ,at times I forgot that this person who hurt my feelings with his snobbish attitude ,as this person was NEVER important to my life , and whatever that person did , it does not really played an impact into my life as much as it hurts my mother , She carried me in her wombs and her blood is mine , It is not wrong for her to hurt even more whenever Im hurt , hence, telling to write about this particular person whom I hate and had removed from my life .
Since I was a little girl in the kindergarten, my mum would protect me from getting hurt physically or emotionally.I have a fragile heart and people often breaks them , She was always there to wipe my tears and later being mad at herself for not protecting me enough.Well,I dont blame her,I do feel like that when people hurt the feelings of my loved ones.Thats why we are human.

Human don't make hearts and feelings ,Therefore, we have no rights to break it

I did not and never did anything wrong to this person, but He had an impression as if I had a crush on him, I am sure he is reading this as he has got nothing better to do except for flashing his machine and telling everyone the title that he has got on his forename.You know who you are, Just so you know, I NEVER had a crush on you neither that I care about whatever you posess , at the time when you had the impression that I was playing an eye contact with you, I was listening to your bullshit on how great you are and your stupid principles and philosophies.To be honest ,at that moment, I was thinking about my mum"s business trip to Jakarta and could not take Jakarta off my mind.

I am not like girls you met before me , doesn"t matter if they are "wannabe part-time" models or first time soap actresess (the type of women you said you like ) I am the women who still eats at nice places , wear nice clothes with or without men in my life .At this moment, touch wood I neither need to sell my body parading in public to be glamorous nor I need to fake pregnancy to get any men"s attention and money. Im always a glamourous diva who runs her life fuss- free- no drama way.
Nevertheless, I had bumped into this person few times, but with the presence of my loud " friends He did not dare to come and say hi to me .

I remember when you rung me and start to raised your voice for a reason that even you can"t really confirm and I yelled back at you and suddenly you hung up .. Why?
No women ever yelled at you before ? Now, I want you to remember that Im the first one,try humility when talking to people next time, we call it MANNERS Its not worth having this kind of friend anyway. Be careful with this kind of men , they love to twist and turn it as if we women were the one who wants them.

I am happy that my beloved boyfriend .Just like me, chose to live our lives conflict free , I had enough soap operas to watch on TV ,I dont need to apply them into my life.

Last but not least ,many years had passed... Im doing great and the only reason that Im doing this is for my mum ,I had never met a person as rude, proud and snobbish as this person .

Anger is not good.. and you need to see a shrink dude"

This one is for you mum!

Thursday, 22 November 2007

That is not nice .. and you know THAT.

I ve been feeling tired lately ,My physical and mental ability has slowed down a little, It had been two days that I have not practising yoga eventhough I do need the stretch.Im tired and fed up of all the wrong things thats going on in this world , for someone like me ,who had gone through a lot in life, all this stupidity is uncalled for.

I dont know why people said ugly words towards others, I don"t really see the need of it. People who called you friends but hurts you intentionally and pretend like everything is ok, people who stabbed you and kicked you when you are down, all this pretentiousness.. ,and the worst thing is I just let them do it to me.

I know what you did behind me.
I had been sincere in friendship and had always been there for my friends, through good or bad times.

When you are happy I am always happy for you, and when you are down , I will try my very best to cheer you up.

The mirror has two faces and so does fate ,treat others as you would like to be treated.

Note *
There are few friends that "messaged" me today and asked me to update my blog.Thanks a lot,I Will write more tomorrow as I dont feel well today, I have so many issues that I want to write about from cheeky to serious.Once again Thank you for supporting sayangkuazura-Az

Monday, 19 November 2007

Memories from my journey (Why did you treat me like that?)

To travel or not to travel. I love going off for holidays , journeys to the unknown land , exploring the markets and museums , getting to know how the locals live .I definitely got it from my parents , as a kid I remember being taken along on a road trip visiting historical places and state houses.Even when its just the weekend my parents seldom allow us to just hang out watch cartoon, I remember those nature walks , trip to the waterfalls, face to face encounter with a tiger and once, wild boar.
I dont mind the hustle and bustle to pack and organise a trip , but I just cant stand the journey on the plane.I have a lot of stories about planes, airlines and people who work for the service provider.Some pleasant and some not and some were straight up painful and bitter.

Back then when I was disabled ,my journey from England to come back to my mum were often with KLM as they have got services from a nearby airport, at the time I was in desperate need of medical attention, so I decided to come back to Malaysia for a bit until I got my health sorted.It happened almost 3 years ago, but I can remember it so clearly,When I arrived at Schiphol airport with my connecting flight from England I had disable assistance, they took me on van and later on a buggy. What I cant believe up to this date is how could that lady ditched" me without a wheel chair in front of the departure gate without notifying her co- worker? Yes, I almost missed my flight, I saw everyone got on that plane and I was seating on the chair helpless and had to crawl to get on the plane with my backpack. As soon as I got into the plane ,I asked the stewardess to help me with my hand luggage, instead of helping me, she told me to do it by myself while pointing at the compartment, and on this journey too, I had to wait an hour to get a glass of water.I have to say that I almost died of dehydration and that was very rude!the only reason I didn"t lodge any official complain was because I was hospitalised right after arriving .To be fair , few of my friends have something less nice to say about this airlines and to be honest, the seats with them are NOT really cheap.

The next time around , still on the wheelchair ,with Malaysia airlines , and I won"t complain about the airline as I found the cabin crew were very helpful and caring. BUT the ground staff at KLIA ,once again! same incident, abandoned me at the arrival hall!and because of that many confusion had happened and I couldn"t find my mum who was waiting for me for hours.Thanks! for nothing!!

Now that I can walk again, whenever I find people on the wheelchair on their own ,I always ask them if they are OK.I dont want anyone who can"t walk to encounter what I had experienced.
I would also like to write about "good" airlines and the food they served, but I think that will be in my next entry.

Thursday, 15 November 2007

Transformer (Dont ask why)

No matter how I try to hide my frustration and sadness , it always comes back to me.
I want to be able to do what I used to do , like going for hours of shopping marathon and not feeling tired , not having to spend a bomb on my medications , trust me they are very expensive no matter where I got them from.Oh! how my life has transformed, and I am still trying to adapt myself to it

Im itching while Im typing this and thats the reaction from my medication, corticosteroids, hydroxychloroquine sulphate , aspirin and cod liver oil (to help my aching joints ) has become my twins, I rely on my medications

How long will I have to live like this? Will I able to live a normal life one day? will any smart scientist create a medicine to cure this disease? I DONT KNOW
As much as I pretend to be a normal person ,I am NOT and that is fact.
I am not looking or seeking for sympathy , I dont need them ..I dont need people coming to me and say "Awww, Im sorry .. " because it make me feel so defeated , something I"ve never been until this killer disease took over the whole Az,
turning the old happy bubbly Az into a less happy and bubbly person , turning an outgoing person into THIS person.And not to mention turning the slimmer me into the less slim person I am now, the steroids seems to plump up my appetite , and I had put on 10 kg from my normal weight therefore I have to get new clothes and do some power exercise Sigh...
I have not been wearing my party shoes for ages now, wonder when was the last time when I went out with friends and feel like before , those days when I dont have to worry about my medicine and disease expenses, those days when I know what Im doing and confident in whatever I do

My mum, boyfriend and brother always said to me, voice out what you feel and dont just keep it like you used to do, and there you go , I had puked some of my dilemma-yes, only some , wait until I tell you about the sunsensivity that people with Lupus suffers.I cant be exposed to the ray of the sun.

I want to wear my party shoes again ...

Tuesday, 13 November 2007

I will fly to you

Being on the plane for a long time is such a pain. My activities while sitting on the plane varies , depends on who I sat next to , as sometimes I do encountered strange "neighbours".
I would say that in this few years I had been in and out of planes very often and had fair share of experience meeting friendly and not so friendly people in the transport.

Manchester airport as usual , busy and packed and for goodness sake, the longest queue award goes to Qatar Airways"s counter, They seems to offer reasonable prices for journeys to Asia.I dont mind flying with them ,although usually after a transit in Doha they would give me a plane without the interactive gadgets and personal screens to go back home to Kuala Lumpur, Im okay with that sometimes, as the food and service is good , but food alone is not enough to occupy myself ,I love to pick movies and the video games on the personal -interactive-screen and play games for hours, I even starts to call it "magic screens" , it kills time and boredom and a saviour when you found mysterious unfriendly people sitting next to you, even more when he even starts to scratch dandruff from his hair and sniffed it.
From the heart of a regular customer ,I am praying that officials from Qatar Airways will read this and will give a nice , updated fleet for its Doha-Kuala Lumpur-Jakarta route.

The last time I was on the abovesaid route,I met few interesting people and being human, love observing other peoples behaviour , I met a beautiful girl at the airport and she was very friendly , with her beautiful figure and striking pink shoes all the men were looking at her with interest,I had the chance to speak to this beautiful brunette at the departure hall and before I knew it... I was helping her to adjust her fake eyelash , thats how quick I bond with people!She told me she is a Tv presenter and I got excited and ask for the name of her show as I want to watch it , She explained that she worked for an adult channel , those kinky shows where girls wear lingerie and entertain phone calls and do whatever (I dont need to explain).But what touched me the most was when she said that she cant be settling down with her Middle Eastern Lawyer boyfriend as he hailed from a good background and she doesn"t, in fact she is off to Doha to see him because she miss him.Don"t judge a person by the profession they are doing...I am glad I wasnt judging her or ran away when she said she also did lap dancing as a profession,what a kind hearted girl ,to be honest, I think she is a better person than people who steals ,received bribes and backstabbed others in order to get what they want....

When we were on the plane, we sat at different places and there was a girl in a long yellow gypsy skirt and a kaftan top , her hair were thick, curly and long.
Nobody speaks or smiled at her . An hour through the journey and I had just finished watching my first movie,I can"t stand it anymore , I have to talk,Having the big mouth , I started to ask her about her destinations and where she hailed from.Let me just call her S, She"s an Afghan , and she was there when the Russians army and Taliban juts started to broke the fight, when she was a child , their house were ransacked and she hid in a water tank and covered the lid and she squeezed her nose and stop breathing to avoid making any sounds, and that was just the beginning , she told me the stories on how she escaped Afghanistan and were sent to London and how she marry her cousin and how his family build chains of jewellery stores in Dubai.S "s life is so fascinating and all thrilling at the same time.At that moment I saw the whole potion of the cabin were quiet, listening to our conversation.She even answered some questions from the Proffessor who sat on the left aisle.Its funny that nobody smiled back at her and even look at her like she"s an alien when she first got in.I am impressed for someone who had gone through so much , she managed to graduate a renowned University and bounced back .

I am winnie The Pooh , the friendship mascot
After 4 hours of loafing , eating and buying candies at Doha Airport I was finally called to board on a plane(without the magic screen) to Kuala Lumpur home sweet home ,and next to me was a gentlemen in his 50"s on his way back to Medan,Indonesia but before that, He would have to go to Singapore to collect his final paycheck for the work He had done in the oil field in Sudan. Apart from sharing his experience working abroad, he also told me about his wife , who runs her own sundry shop in their village, his son who is a mechanic and owns a garage in Batam and his daughter who is in Hotel Management School in Bandung.He had worked in so many places from Johor Baru to Papua New Guinea ,andHe thinks its time for him to relax and enjoy the fruits that he had planted.Ill never forget when I mentioned that Indonesian men are all romantic, unlike their fellow counterpart in Malaysia and told him about a friend from Bali, his advise were....
"No! Balinese men are too romantic , that they dont even want to work!what they do is romancing day and night.Guys from Jawa(Java) is way much better especially those musicians in the rock bands they worked hard and they are super rich!

Thanks for the advice and sharing of experiences.No matter where these people are right now, I wish you are in a safe place surrounded by people whom you love, that was the reason why we flew so far away anyway...

Sunday, 11 November 2007

I need you

I know that I talk a lot about lupus.3 years ago , I dont even know that they are such chronic disease ,a disease that almost took my life, a disease that crushed my spirit back then.My life experienced a U turn on my way to the top of my dream.I was young and ambitious and at the time, I had just met a handsome and kind gentlemen(RW) and the best part is he likes me too. Awesome ..!I used to say.
Everytime I woke up in the morning my fingers went numb, my ankles were painful,Its normal I guess at that time.I started to even lost weight and hairs.

Past is past , I dont want to even remember the ordeal ,but forgetting it can be such a selfish act.Many people who is in their early stage of Lupus wants to talk to someone, a "senior" who had been there and experienced the ordeal.I wish someone were there to be my Lupus buddy at that time.
I am thankful that I have found Angels , they are my Doctors.

I love my Rheumatologists

Dr KK Ho my Rheumatologist in Malaysia ,is a Doctor with a character, He jokes sometimes , He is a charming gentlemen who had many experience treating people with Lupus. How can I forget , when I couldn"t walk and looking all bulimic , He was there with me. He gave my family the courage and convinced them that I will be allright.Thanks for gripping our hands tight and giving us that assurance when my family were in such despair.

Dr Doherty of Classic Hospital Hull and East Riding is my Rheumatologist in England. I enjoyed my visits to her office, She is so pretty and so perfect to my eyes, When she speaks , she speaks so gently , I feel ashamed at times by her modesty , She is so successful,intelligent and yet so humble.She listens and she nods ,She is always there to help me.I have to admit that everytime I have an appointment with her , my heart often jumps with joy and hope , I even got up early , excited to see her again .As a women I adore her and she is definitely with other successful women that includes my boyfriend"s sister (Alison) and my mum(Korin) they are in "super women" book of mine.

I think that is why every mothers wants their children to be a Doctor, and why Doctors were born and not made.Medical schools didn"t made that brain .They sacrifice their time for other people .In my case both my specialist are geniuses and had contributed so much in the field of rheumatology .They both knows my personal life and always shares their advices on how I can lead a normal life.I had promised years back then.. that I will be 100% myself again, there is no cure , only remission and Im on the latter stage.I dont know when will the "Wolf"* strike again, crushing my life , like squeezing an empty aluminium can but for now ,I am going to take a deep breathe and enjoy what the earth offers me.
I pray that they will find a cure for Systemic Lupus Erythmathosus soon.

Friday, 9 November 2007

It takes all sort of people to make a world.In my world I am glad that I have more good than bad friends .
What makes a good friend?..hmmm
Oh yes.. I do have not-so-good friends too, the one that stabbed , punched and kicked me when I wasnt looking .
To everyone whom I call friends, I will never forget your kindness , laughs and jokes .As I said in my previous blog ,I want to keep you guys with me all the time but Its not going to happen , we cant be together all the time , good times dont last forever and thats the fact that I still cant accept because whenever you guys are far away from me, I think about you and your face.

When I was paralysed and terribly Ill, I weighed 44kg and I was emaciated.I was almost bald and An experienced rhumatologist even said ...
"If you wait for another week to come and see me.. I dont think you would be able to make it"
I once prayed that god would take me out of those pain once and for all .At the time I could see who are my friends and that is people who gave me hope , who smiled, who asked me how Im doing and people who prayed for me, Thank You .

Me and my beau
Roger is my boyfriend ,He is also my best friend and He was there for me when Im ill , when Im down , when Im wrong and when Im right, We had laughs and even cried together.I love this men for among all ,his intelligence, experience and credibility.
I can"t tell all the details ,I respect the privacy of his and of our own little world.
He could have walked away , but Im his comrades, and in this battle named LIFE he saved me and gave me so much motivation to fight and carry on fighting until the
end .

How about friends from the past... hmm Ive been thinking about them more lately ,

I am here, sitting quietly , and I will be there whenever you need me

Dr Sangeethambikai Maniam , we have known each other since I was 7 and I really am glad to have known such intelligent, beautiful and ever so polite person,She was always the nice and sweet one in the class , we always go to the loo together. Im sorry I didnt get to wish you Happy Deepavali personally as I know that you are very busy working in the Hospital.Thanks Angel,When I was in pain 2 years ago and back in KL ,you gave me motivation and medicinal advice.

Im here to help you sort out your head and after you are Ok , Ill be off far far away
I would say it would be a guy called Saufian he is famous(I dont think he will be too happy when he reads this being the modest ,simple guy he is) He"s definitely in my cool" people book , I still look up at this person I met when I was a temp at a radio station , he might not realised this but sometimes when I told him about my problems and dilemmas at the time He always said "Its all easy " and until today .. I often said to myself "Its all easy".. like a mantra whenever I face new challenges .oh yea he got me a television hosting jobs too,you are a very humble person and I respect you .

We talk about everything and we are so Siamese twins we are

Susie, who is also a good friend of mine, I adore her for being the intellectual , independent and fun person she is.My good friend, who literally take care of me when I was Ill . When Im less ill ,she took me to Tesco, we go for lunch and even when she had stomachache she took me to the hospital to get my medicines and I forgot how many blood test she had accompanied me to! Sometimes I think its great that I got to know her through my boyfriend -its like 2 in 1 combo !

For now why dont we look through ourselves and ask what kind of friend are you? and what kind of friend are you to your friends?.

Wednesday, 7 November 2007

Before lunch....
That was me , my brother , my mum and Janaki (in green skirt) in the 80S.

I miss you Janaki....

I still dream of Kak Janaki sometimes , usually the dreams revolves around my childhood reality , incidents and activies that we did many years ago.
When I was barely 7 , the first few weeks in school ,being a spoilt , over pampered little girl my mum and kak Janaki or fondly known as Kak Ki" took turns waiting for me in school and when busy body classmates asked me who that Indian girl was ? or is she our maid?
Little Azura answered loud and clear "NO she is my sister".
Kak Janaki were young at the time, she was the eldest in the family , her mother were a singer , singing in temples .I am not quite sure, but I think she was in a performing group singing from one place to another, She has 2 little brothers , her father is called Elappan and my father wants me to address him as Uncle Elappan.They lived in a wooden house far into a rubber plantation.Kak Janaki stayed with us since I was 4, my mum went to a brick kiln to get some brick for her garden of an acre at the time, and found this beautiful girl working hard at the kiln , as my younger brother will be born soon , we difinitely need extra help at home , and my mum thinks that working as a labourer at a brick "factory" is not a job for a young lady like her.Until today ,I think it was love at first sight for my mum and Janaki , they got on extremely well.She was hired and came to stay with us.
We had so many helpers who had worked in our house , all of them had been considered as family to me.But Janaki were among the longest and the closest.
My mother trained her personally from table setting and etiquettes, to fashion and beauty tips.
When we ate at a nice restaurant she ates with us, when we flew away for holiday ,she came with us.We had so much fun together and How am I going to call you our helper or nanny when you are already a family to me? A Frangipani tree , little BMX, a house on a hilltop just me , my little brother and Janaki.

All that I want is for you to be happy.

After many years of staying with us, Janaki had turned into this beautiful and graceful lady,while taking us to the shop to get our regular colourful candies and crackers , she came to know a guy , a truck driver .He likes her and gave her some pretty Indian bangles he got me and my brother presents too ! they fell in love and though my mum dont quite like her new "boyfriend but my late father persuaded my mum saying that Janaki cant be staying with us forever , she is a big girl now and deserves to have a family of her own.Months after that discussion that I overheard, my father"s job took us to a new city ,it was great there, and with a huge playground build just for us two at the back of the house .. its like growing up in a circus! and to add the joy at the time, we had another friend called Michaelangelo a blue persian cat of ours . Just like all of us I cant compile all the childhood fun we had in this blog or even the thickest book ,but we did have tonnes of fun at the time even when we took the shopping trolley and took Michaelangelo in it and went for a stroll and his tail were tangled, though I dont feel like laughing at the time .. I smiled sometimes thinking about me and brother"s stupidity and how Janaki bailed us out everytime.
Oh yea, she and her boyfriend .., they still writes to each other.

Here comes Deepavali
Kak Janaki went for her holiday , back to her village, at this time her parents had moved somewhere else and the whooping shock was ... she never come back to our house until... few months later , I received a letter from her saying that she got married and her husband had been abusing her, she asked if we could go and pick her up as her life is harsh and difficult.
We went looking for her with the address given, and were told by the people in that small town that she and her husband had left days ago.

Kak Janaki,

Its been years that we have not seen each other, my mother and my brother (ohh.. he is tall now) miss you very much, we had been trying to look for you allover with many efforts.My father had passed away a long time ago... that is only the beginning
of my letter to Kak Janaki. If only I could just see her ,I will tell her more and more stories and what had happened to us since the day she left.

And also... despite our different beliefs and race I would like to say that
Kak Janaki, Abang Aru,Hassan (our gardeners ),Ragu,Deevan they are my family.

Apart from Kak Janaki, I am still in touch with those who had worked for my father Im sorry as I dont mention all of them here because they were few that worked just for a short few years, when we saw one of them the other day, He hugged us with tears of joy running through his cheeks.

Though we are apart name it time and location , beliefs and situation.
This Deepavali , a festival that Hindus celebrates, I would like to wish you all A Very Happy Deepavali and wherever you are, may your life be filled with lights of joy and prosperity.

We are still hoping to meet Janaki a/p Elappan. No matter where she is , we want her to know that we hope that she is well and happy and just so she knows ,we always think of her and she is always so dear to our heart .Nothing could separate our sweet Janaki from our hearts.

Tuesday, 6 November 2007

What an orgasmic feeling

We were made for each other,
I like him and he wants to please me
Even when he is sweet or bitter
the peculiarly adorable taste of him makes me lavitate up to cloud nine

Dark or white its ok ,
We understands how to satisfy each other
and enjoy each other in our own special way
I peeled you through layer by layer
and in my head I thought
This was meant to be
Ive been doing this with you before my puberty.

Everybody knew it,
there is nothing they can say to change my love for you
I want you every morning
I want you every evening
I need you when Im down
There were times when I ravaged you without sympathy
Biting you allover .. At times ,I dont act like a lady
I am sorry darling,I do get impatient occasionally

Insatiable .... the more I have you the more I want you,
Addiction....I can"t even live my life without you

And now when you are near me, there are no obstacles anymore
I have all the money
and all the ability to get hold of you
To savour you throughout the day,
To satisfy my lust towards the sweetness of my baby
Oh Chocolate , I love you !

To my cadbury and chocolate brownies
by Az Azura

Sunday, 4 November 2007

wake up and smell the roses

This cutey .. loves hanging out at our garden in England, whenever im out drying the clothes She"s always running towards me as if She is saying "where have you been my friend?"
and followed me allover the garden and sometimes kitchen while I do my daily chores.

Little things in life that makes you smile.

These are pictures taken when I was in Melaka for a short break, i adore those Marigolds and the other one was the view from my hotel room.

You are full of bullshit!

Firstly ,I would like to apologise for my choice of word used for my title this time around,Im a Malay girl brought up in a Malay family , We dont curse , we dont swear, thats is not our culture. But again so does bragging and looking down on people.
Pride and humility is part of the principles that I was brought up with,let me just go straight to the point .
It pissess me off sometimes with some stuck up women especially when they are stuck up Malay ladies(I know !as much as I would love to love all these sisters and makcik"s they sometimes pathetically fell into this -weird ladies "categories)

Just for the note for "us" that means my family , having Ferragamos or YSLs slipped to our feet is just normal, its not a freakin" big deal! I still remember back than the ladies of our family would fly to London or the closest Singapore or Jakarta to buy their shoes.I could show pictures of my mum"s designer"s handbags collection and her favorite is Dior and Aigner -mind that she got rid of 80% of her collection as we were moving houses , when I took one of her old handbag to London , an admirer wanted to have that Christian Dior"s piece
and willing to pay a very good price as it is a vintage piece.

Its not wrong to be a fashionista , but it is extremely rude , when you hold my handbag in front of others to look at the brand. it is like ... you want to make sure and check on my status and how much money I ve got before you really befriending me,Shallow and straight up rude that was!Lucky that I was raised with manners and to treat people nicely and to be status blind.All that these ladies talked about is about brands and how they got this and that from Europe.All that I heard was Im this and and Im that , no small talk just BIG ,BIG ,BIG...bla bla bla

And also.. I forgot to also tell you that one weird women " were a guest of my mum a while ago and while my mum were in the kitchen plating some dishes, I cant believe she lift our cup saucer just to check on its brand.
Oh gosh!! what if it were a cheap chinaware? I think she might just walk out from our house !! thanks god it was an expensive one and also she is definitely in my weird friend"s list.

This type of women also hates to do housework ,
"I dont cook .. NEVER! I have my maid to do it."what I heard is - eeeuuuwww !

Come on women ! we are Malay ladies , of course we know how to cook we were born with extraordinary taste in food ,quietly I start to suspect that they are not real women"maybe they were a men.Oh yea..Her Royal Highness Tuanku Puan Pahang Tengku Azizah was born in a Palace with plenty of helpers in the kitchen , but I adore her as a women, as a chef and her ability to make Traditional Malay Delicacies and mind you that she is a Princess , a daughter to the Sultan and She is a future Queen who will be seating on the throne.

These weird women should be ashamed of themselves thinking , not- going- to -the- kitchen because -you- have- an -Indonesian- maid is a posh thing to say or practise".

I had never realised that the designer"s things grandma, mum and Aunts kept in their closets and chests are actually the object of desire by "weird women group.Just because they are branded...oh gosh Im rolling my eyes now , how can you be sooo shallow?
I dont feel the need to show off my wealth especially when its not solely mine.. I m not the kind of person who would go to people and say -hi I"m Azura, i went to boarding school in England , been to finishing school, Oh yea both my grandparents and parents went to school there too! my grandpa is a millionaire you see!
because I dont classify that as success , you are who you are not who your parents and let alone your ancestors are .I just dont understand but still impress by the courage of some people when talking big and bragging , though they do tend to have joker-clown quality in themselves sometimes.

If you think you are rich materially, they are always someone richer than you.

Then again insecurity might be the answer on why they are like this, after taking a short break while typing this blog of mine ,I finally understand that not everybody were born lucky and had experienced luxury at younger age , maybe they had a hard life and suddenly marries a rich husband and just starting to smell the luxury of having a driver and the leather seats of their husbands Mercedes, so they got too excited" and starts to brag non -stop to deny their insecurities and their low IQs
I adore the ladies in Tun Mahathir"s family , especially her daugher Datuk Paduka Marina Mahathir and her mum Tun Dr Siti Hasmah, they are confident and carries themselves well with or without carrying expensive handbags but again they are confident intelligent women with brains ..(like me , ha ha I wish).

As for me...who measures success with wearing designer"s gear anyway?

Ive tasted ,maybe not all but some flavours of luxury and I am confident Im a bigger person than them -weird ladies association" whether you have the money or you are broke , doesnt matter if you wear expensive clothes or not.. if I like you , you are my friend and Ill accept you as you are.

Friday, 2 November 2007

I cant't let it go

Im really bad with goodbyes.. In my very own word..hate it ,loathe it and how I wish that whenever I meet people that I like I can just keep them" Saying goodbyes at airports and railway stations especially,it makes me feel very sad, it feels like my heart had been crushed, smashed and left alone to heal by itself.
When I was a little girl ,I stomped my feet and cried whenever my parents guest were about to leave. and today, I cant be doing that , well its not really cute" when a 27 year old act like that isnt it?from Malacca to the Airport and direct to KLIA the scenery of palm plantations and villages .. I just ignore them, Im not interested , Im in this web of sadness and I cant find my way out.

Dont leave me" I wanna say
Tears, please in my eyes you will stay.
I cant take it anymore
I smiled , waved back at you
And here I am ,in the car watching you go
Put my hands to my face and the warm crytals starts to flow.

But.. this is how it is ,though we have so much love for each other in our heart , separations - name it temporary or permanently, is part of a humans life.I had great memories with those I had said goodbyes to, I kept a mental picture of all of them,they"ll accompany me along the way, your smile, your laughs ,jokes is always in my mind.Yes it is part of a humans life , a lesson for us to make every seconds a sweet moment, in another word to really appreciate the time spent with those whom we love.

I know you need to go,
life ain"t a movie where a guy would turn back unexpectedly, and decide to stay eternally.This is a painful reality . so for now Im going to keep all those sweet memories with you and put it on reruns over and over again and before I knew it,I will see your smile again at the end of just any airports arrival hall and your warm and loving hug will be waiting for me.

I miss you.