Ain't no sunshine when He's gone

Yesterday,I wrote a very long entry and it was a very depressing wrist slitting ones.I've decided no to publish it.I have been feeling rather sad lately , because of so many reasons.I am tired , unhealthy and I am missing someone.

August 25th 2005.It was my birthday and I was paralyzed and I weight only 44kilograms.On that day ,its 100% confirmed that I have Lupus, on that day I got my steroids injection , on that day I received a bouquet of flower from someone very special and He said something very nice in the card, so nice that I changed my perception towards life, knowing that I am loved by someone makes me wants to live my life .I said it once when it was too painful to even lift my arms, that I rather die.But on that day he said the magic words, before I close my eyes to sleep I prayed to god to let me live and continue this journey.I got what I prayed for .I am still alive and still breathing and smelling this beautiful scent, essence of being alive.Though the person I love is so so far away from me now and things have changed, why should I let that make me feel sad?It's just romance for some, but one of my weakness is when I love I love with all of my heart and that makes things very complicated for me (and my mum a.k.a agony aunt)I guess just like lyric of that song from The carpenters -Superstar "loneliness is such a sad affair and I can't hardly wait to be with you again.
It funny that I live in such busy city with calendar of events being packed with all sorts of fun activities , I am always surrounded by people name it people who stinks and real beautiful sweet ones (like you) and yet, I feel so alone.But you have to understand, I am the person who wants her soul food and her soul food is being happy with the person she loves.Maybe this is how things are meant to be and there is some blessings in disguises.
I know this sadness won't last long but I can't wait .What else can I asked for , I have almost everything I wanted and wished for, so Azura , take a deep breath , smile and be thankful that you're alive and been given opportunity to do what you like again.Everything will be ok (awesome)and you are so truly loved(is it?)