Monday, 28 December 2009

Forget-me-not



Since I came back to Malaysia and appeared on numerous media, I have got many emails from those whom I have not heard for many years, some are good and some makes me question of their agenda.After my father died all that we had was agony , growing with not that much money makes me realize that success , fame and cash is indeed a powerful instrument to get more friends and relatives.


For me those who were with me during my hardest time in life are my relatives, sincerety from the Uk to Saudi means a lot to me,These are my family- good friends who were there for me through my poverty and bad times.

I would not claim myself as being successful or famous, this is only half an inch of what I wanted to achieve in my life.To prove to myself and all the women and those who had lost their father when they were very young that we can also make it to stand on our own two feet.

I was wondering where have all these people gone when I was sick , when I went face to face with my failure, when I went through my career, personal and health frustrations?

I won't say the truth will prevail one day ...I am strong enough to tell it now.When my father died he left us with debts costing millions(I am NOT joking), my grandfather(my mum's father) had to top up some money that we had obtained from my dad’s .So at the end the amount was ZERO mum had to go back to work , lucky that she is a qualified lady but starting point was always difficult with my younger brother was only very young and I as a kid was a difficult child. We had a small house in a terrible neighbourhood and it was falling apart, I do not want to tell it on an open space about the rest of our history of what we had been through to respect the deceased that we love so dearly.We are his children and we carried his name upon us, so for outsiders to claim that it was painful for them, don’t be so fucking dramatic selfish...He is my father and I lost him when I was young , he hardly took us to see any of these claimed to be my relatives, he always told me to stand on my own two feet and not take any charity that is the principle that I lived with until today, whether I was hungry , when I was eating once a day meal, when Reza and I never complained a single word of how we had been ignored by certain so-called relative or how hard our life is.That was my childhood.

For those who wants to point fingers and accuse , I just want to be clear that My past was not perfect,But my mother never speak bad of anyone and she went back to work to support our lives, My mother’s father sent us both to school in England , My Chinese grocer gave us credit for food if we haven’t got any money in the middle of the month.AT that time I wish that we have a long lost relative just to ask me how my life is or offer me hugs as they know where my  grandparents house is I don't think looking for me is  such a hard task, but when I remember how I was being treated when my father was in the hospital and during his funeral...I laughed and thought, animals will always be animals, you can never makes charcoal white, they will always be black.

My life experience had make me the person I am it makes me appreciate those who are kind to me,genuine people who helped me through my difficulties and watch me from afar while smiling  when  I am happy.To these people, you have my prayer always...for  your health and happiness.

Those like Ragu my dad’s runner, my dad’s driver who took all the trouble to find us when I was 14.Until today Ragu still sends me hari raya card.People like Suzy,Roger, Rod,Dr KK , Dr Sheelagh who was there when I was paralyzed,People that lives in my life today are my relatives they were there for me for love, comfort and advice through my good and bad times.In order to protect my family, I hope those who wrote to me  would look at the mirror and have some pride.They said blood is thicker than water, to  me  A helping hand when I was in need , that gesture is thicker than  blood.
I am  saying that to rescue the writers  from further embarassment.

Allow me and my family to breathe, my mother had brought us up this far on her own and it was not easy.
Stop attacking her with vicious lies and gossips.

We were happy before , we are happy now...I am againts anyone who would try to destroy it.

Stay out of MY way.

P.S My grandparents  had performed Haj for my  father(upah haji) and tahlil every year.

2 comments:

korin said...

you are right sayang..

Jo said...

nicely written :)