I am not sure if anyone will be reading this after I threw off my tantrums and left the other day.For what reason ? let's just forget it , kiss me now, let me make it up to you.
My heart is heavy as usual with work , things to do and menus to plan(so you know when you need a caterer, who you should call?) but now it is heavier.
Pleased to meet you
My thought are with a friend that I met a year ago at the chemist , she happens to have Lupus too and we both being the steroids (prednisolone )junkie get along pretty well,we meet occasionally for just coffee at Gloria jean's or Chocolate fudge topped sundaes at McDonald's (Yes, I hear you ...I'm a chef and I do eat at fast food chain , that's an addiction that I couldn't change.)- "L" is Sweet person, she has been going out with this guy "TJ" for 10years and he was there for her when she was ill and she was in a coma in 2005.I am amazed by love so strong, with the boy's honesty and loyalty,They are so cute together .Now,Where on earth can I get such love nowadays ?, "only available for limited customers only"I presume.He is an engineer and she literally stay at home because she was always ill, she went to secretarial school, but decided to stay at home helping her father with his business.Although knowing this person for such a short time , I felt close to her, we are both in the same age and decided to not let Lupus eat us alive, we will fight and we will live like others,I remember that I laughed out loud listening to TJ's jokes at McDonald's in Ampang and how L thinks I have such a cute laugh , she would be the first person who thinks like that because honestly, I think mine is more like a witchy laugh , though I have to admit that when I laugh,... I laugh with all of my heart and easily too!.
And two weeks ago,I had a call early in the morning ,the day I planned to ring and see if she gets better,her mum said my friend died , she had a fever and suddenly she went to sleep and never wake up.NOW,what am I suppose to say to that?I cried and we went to visit her family who were mourning.
But tell me how am I suppose to act like now?, she was like a reflection to me, apart from her kidney condition due to Lupus , we are pretty much the same.
It was a humbling experience to visit the deceased home,Looking at her belongings and sad parents, on the way back from her residence, I saw the trees with its branches covering the road like a canopy ,I looked up and saw the sunlight peeping in between the leaves, Yes I cried to every occasions, including this one while I tried to puke this pain away , pain in my throat ... it felt like sorrow, a deep thick stabbing sorrow that was stuck in me.I started to ask questions of life and death, of humans emotions of joy and pain and what if Lupus strikes and make me paralyzed again?
I pray for her... I am alive and I will continue this journey and that vow, It is kept in my heart with a promise not to give up, not to think too much and to live and to laugh .. after all , a friend ,somewhere up there thinks that my laughs are cute.