Wednesday, 30 July 2008
Days of being too happy and too sad and constantly looking for excitements are over.Starting from today now on I 've got to be serious and have a proper time schedule to meet my datelines with my book.I know I said to my friends in England it will be ready soon, and to be honest I got full morale support from those around me so , I guess it is just a matter of me against my laziness and of course there were times when I don't know what to write , just like this blog that is getting less updates. But then again ,I was busy organising my work and sorting out few issues.
Although I 've been back here for almost a year now , I have not sorted all my clothes yet , I only come to realize this when I was looking for my gold stiletto with the gold coins thingy 'last Monday , I realized that I have not taken like half a cupboard of clothes with me! They are all in England!
Now with a business that keeps me busy constantly , old and new set of friends and Saturday nights networking but topmost is of course my mum and brother.It is hard now to leave all this.I know I said it too many times about life in Kuala Lumpur but deep down inside my heart, I will miss the breakfast and shopping with my mum, hanging out with my brother till the morning just talking silly philosophy, our new innovative business ideas, how to run a country to mimicking characters in movies with our friends.
Early this morning after talking to Su in England who was about to go to our favourite Moroccan restaurant with her beau .After our deep girly conversation, I had come to realized that silly me, I am still there in the past and everyone had actually moved on,in this 11 months many things had happened to me and my friends, many were drastic.I don't know how do I keep up with all these news some bad and many good ones ,sometimes I feel like I am living on a Truman show of my own, a reality TV show that's scandalous and tragic.Unfortunately I and of course all of us do not know whats next in our scripts.So might as well make the most of it.Living life one inch at a time for I have no choice.
I also come to terms with accepting my flaws and that is making early judgement and perceptions with people and often what I got is not something that I expect to get.Life is packed with lies and people masquerading between their masks.Its hard to differentiate whats true or false what is pure and what is fake .I am often blinded by love, fake friendship, beautiful words and promises. When I know that they are all fake, its already too late,my heart had already been scarred and now they had been stabbed again.I heal it all by myself, on my own nursing it all alone in bed crying until I fall asleep, so no one has the right to hurt me so brutally.Is this the reason why I should really locked myself in this bubble and forbid anyone from coming near?
Should I view this world as a terrible place ?
Maybe its not ,after all I am definitely not a quitter,I survived almost 20 car accidents,my father's death ,poisonous snake crawling on me when I was asleep,lupus and various mishaps.You got to do better than THAT to really brings me down.
I would like to Thank those who had intentionally hurt me.
Your actions made me a stronger person now. I've picked my broken heart and feed it with sweetness .I know gradually the scar here will be fully healed.Somehow I have come to think Isn't it why I was here in this world at the first place? To make the most of my life, to excel at what I do ,to win and lose challenges, to get hurt only to realize that the air that I am breathing is actually sweet, Yes , my life is sweet indeed. Status : Az Azura is smiling.
I would like to thank all my friends blogger ,non blogger who had mailed me and asked if I was Ok , that was very kind of you, and also my dear mum who had introduced me to a literature gift that words I will always keep in my heart.