Sunday, 13 April 2008

Worries are like rocking chairs, they get you nowhere




The pictures above was taken last year when Metallica was playing At The brand new Wembley stadium and I was there headbanging .I love Metallica.

It is almost 4 in the morning now , I woke up 15 minutes earlier feeling all hungry and decided to turn my computer on and have a cup of malty drink.
It's been a month now that my knees are aching and also I have not been for my eye check that was scheduled 3 weeks ago, I had been on prednisolone for 3 years now and the effects on my eyes, I could have those:

Posterior subcapsular cataracts
Increased intraocular pressure
Glaucoma
Exophthalmos

and with another medicine I'm taking , it could impair my vision too .not that I don't want to go , but as foolish as this might sound I think I had enough of being sick.I hate this disease and no matter how I try to embrace it , I can never learn to love Lupus, my life have been crippled by it.All that I'm doing now is pretending that I am normal and leading a life of a normal 27 year old no matter how many times my mum said to me that I am ill and not to do too much work.But , running a cafe is a job that requires work,work and work.I am sometimes worried about my illness,I want to live my life just like the others , will i be happy and have a house on the prairie?whenever i think about my future , its always some picture of me on a wheelchair emerge again.I want to live my life to the fullest and be happy, is that possible when I can't even stand under the sun because it might kill me? My palm is swelling at the moment and yesterday was a day that challenged me professionally , one thing after another happened in my cafe's kitchen and thankfully everything went well and I came back home, had my noodles put on my PJ's and jumped into bed straight away.I thought of dropping by my friend's birthday at Heritage row last night, but I got too tired and fell asleep at 9.
Happy Birthday to Josh, the last time I saw him , we were all single(he was dating at the time) and now He is married and blessed with a cute son.I wanted to pop by and wish you personally but duty and body fatigue calls.I hope they all had a great time last night and I shall see him and his beautiful wife and Rick next time round.
On the other note , Uncle Vincent the security officer at where my cafe is, is ill, he has got diabetes and lately he has not been well, , yesterday I rung him and see if He is alright and He said that He had a minor operation.I hope that he will get well soon .
Its raining outside and I am off to bed again now, I've finished drinking my hot malty chocolate .
Maybe thinking about my health while trying to sleep is not a good idea,Living in the now, yes that's what I will do who cares about tomorrow? its beyond our controls anyway! shall I think about something sweet? yeah...vanilla sundae and chocolate fudge topping? I am very easy to please.

4 comments:

CiliQueen said...

Hi Sweetie...hang in there dear..it hurts just by reading ur post :(

A Z R A said...

babe, dont give up on life, count your blessings, i know its easier said than done, but you gotta be strong, believe in yourself, live life everyday to the fullest, no on knows what the future holds.

i pray may God bless you in every way and may you feel better, everytime you wake up in the morning!

hey, i take preds too sometimes, when my athsma is bad and when i looke like sponge bob!

xoxox

waliz said...

hang on girl..u can do it! btw i love metallica too and Bon jovi...!

Julie said...

I hope that you feel much better tomorrow! And, oh yeah, Metallica rules!