After my morning medication

I am not well, my knees are aching, if only I can take my knee cap off, treat it and put it back it would be awesome. At this moment there are many things in my mind, I feel like my brain is a juggler , juggling one thought to another.
Last night I was upset , maybe because there are certain things in my life that did not go the way I wanted and how I have lost 3 years in my life when I can use that time to do something constructive such as building my business aggressively and harvest some money to enjoy some luxury. I love achieving something in my life , I like the feeling of doing remarkable things by myself , But I am not competitive, I blame it on the jigsaw puzzles and Lego my parents got me , As a kid I had 12 Barbie dolls but I prefer to play with my Lego to build houses only to realized that I can do better things such as a high rise building next time. In this few years I have been less active and allowed so many negativity coming my way. So that was some of the things I had said in my very angry blog which I don't think I should publish, by the way I cried while I was typing it, and now I am smiling thinking about it .

Anger will only make things even worse, that is not how I want to be remembered. No matter what had happened I am going to look at it as a blessing for me to continue life with more courage. There must be some reasons why Lupus picked me, and I am already seeing it, I was not as ‘ open‘as today , you can find people being rude to me back then and all that I did was kept quiet and observe .People had been silly sometimes towards me , but I played along with their stupidity.

The day you came to stay
Since Lupus came… I am bolder ,I realized who are friends and who are not, I see the world differently now.I hope 2008 would give me lots of courage and plenty of smiles and laughs. It has given me some good signs at the early phase , meeting people who blogs and supports my blog, who shares the same thoughts as I do and supported me too,people who smiles when I’m happy and cry when I’m sad...people whom I hardly know, and that is YOU...

How are you today?
Enjoying a cup of rose tea by the window with soft breeze hitting my face while I’m typing this...everything will be Okay... this pain will go away…, right?Yes it will.


Sweetiepie said…
Hi,thanks for visiting my blog!You have an intersting blog.Mind to exchange link?Take care!
Michelle said…
Hey girl,
You've got the right attitude!! We will never know why we got the disease, but it does change you, and so far it's making us stronger!! I hope your knees feel better soon hun.
saxyphone said…
Stay strong!
You'll get my prayer here from Singapore. ;)
Marilyn said…
Attitude is eveything. I even wrote a book about not only what lupus did TO me, but what it did FOR me. The book, Diagnosis: Lupus: The Intimate Journal of a Lupus Patient, has been recommended by the education department of the LFA.
Here's an excerpt that matches nicely to what you're experiencing, and, I would say, most lupus patients....

When she was suddenly assaulted by myriad baffling symptoms of joint pain and extreme fatigue, Marilyn Celeste Morris embarked on an intensive three-year, five- doctor search for diagnosis and treatment of what would be diagnosed as systemic lupus erythematosus, a little-known autoimmune disease that promised to destroy her body, her mind and her spirit. From the pages of her intimate daily journal came a book, Diagnosis: Lupus: The Intimate Journal of a Lupus Patient (PublishAmerica ISBN# 1-4137-6789-3). While journaling daily, Marilyn writes of her chronic pain, frustration, anger and grief of her former self to her current state of remission.

“Far from being a litany of complaints, these pages reveal not only what this disease did to me, but also what this disease did for me: an unexpected spiritual growth and gratitude for life itself.

“I hope this book will lead those who suffer from this chronic disease and other diseases to a better understanding of themselves and acceptance of their conditions,” she says.

In this book, she reveals:

* her struggles with anger and depression and their direct correlation to dealing with an alphabet soup of social service agencies;
* her loss of self-esteem and its direct correlation to weight gain;
* her frustration with insurance companies, physicians and employers;
* her daily struggle to simply get out of bed and go to work, in many places where employers and coworkers didn’t understand her disease;
* and, ultimately, a spiritual crisis, which taught her important life lessons.

This book can reassure readers that their pain, confusion, anger and depression are typical for lupus patients, and encourage them to keep moving forward toward definitive diagnosis, treatment, and eventual remission.

Ms. Morris is the co-facilitator of the Fort Worth Lupus Support Group, North Texas Chapter, Lupus Foundation of America and is also the author of two other books, Sabbath’s Room, a supernatural novel; and Once a Brat, detailing her life with her army officer father all over the world directly after WWII until his (their) retirement in 1958.

To book her as a speaker or for further information, email her at The book is available at, and other online bookstores, or your local bookstore may order for you.

Half the proceeds will be donated to The Lupus Foundation of America for research and education.
Julie said…
I agree with Michelle and are so strong and have such a great attitude. I admire you for your determination....I have seen much evidence of that in your blog. I'll say prayers and keep my fingers crossed that your knees feel better very soon.

In the meantime, on a positive note, I just gave you an award! Come on over and check it out!

Big hugs!
CiliQueen said…
Yup...sometimes it takes odds to change us..i have been there (on a different situation though)..being bolder and stronger than i used to positive and cekal kan hati..believe in can achieve in whatever situation it may's your choice are in my prayers too ;)
JesseTheCat said…
Just coming by to read your latest post..which made me sad thinking of your pain over there. A family member of ours has Lupus as well,so I have some small knowledge of it. it makes me angry to know that in the past people have been nasty to you..but I'm glad and happy to hear that this year is looking positive,and that you are surrounding yourself with people who really,honestly interested in your journey and who care about you for the strong person you are. One tiny step at a time is all we can manage sometimes.

That cup of rose tea sounds great...hope the pain has lessened by now, Sweetie. ((hugs))
Anonymous said…
come what may, as long as you believe in yourself an God - you'll get there, i know sometimes its hard, i know when you fall you sometimes fall very very hard, but remember -the harder you fall, the bolder, wiser and stronger you'd be, insyaallah!

emotions will run wild and havoc sometimes, but its all in the mind, you control it, its your life! xoxo