Thursday, 18 September 2008

Love...always

This is my 200th post! woohoo!
I just need to tell you all something.Many things had happened in my life this one year and now I won't be here for a long time as I am starting a new project in my life.
So Selamat hari Raya in advance , and hope we will see each other again real soon.I am not giving up writing this blog and I'll be back once everything is fine.
Pray for my health and happiness please.
Love means we will never be apart,
I love you and I always will.

Azura

Rat and Squirrel


So many times mummy said to me- Azura darling,... this is how it is, tragic or not tragic ,this is your life stop whining and deal with it!I had been keeping it all to myself until last night when my mum came to my bed to give me a kiss goodnight.Yes, I am the 28 year old girl that her mum tuck in bed.

So I told her my problems and what people did to me. with the expectation she would go and beat the hell out of them.But I got the best advice ever and starting from today I am going to tell her everything romantic or non romatic, I always shares those with her , but I think I tend to keep the bad ones to myself knowing that it will hurt her and my brother even more .

I have to announce that my weekend starts today woo hoo! and this morning on the way to the supermarket I saw a squirrel and 2 dead rats.That was pretty scary.I wonder if that series of unfortunate events were the significant sign of something that might happen to my life.Superstitious or not, now I find those incident strange especially when a squirrel sort of walk along with you and mimic your walking... I mean when I paused the squirrel paused , and when I walk again it walks with me, until I was about to cross the road he climbed on the tree.
Since my weekend starts now ,I have to admit that I crave for some green tea ice cream and maybe some popcorn in a movie.But we will see if I will or not ctach a movie with my friends or maybe just catch up with some online games I got here.Looks like tomorrow its shopping mall day again and hopefully I will see my little squirrel again.

Wishing you guys a wonderful evening, out or in I am gonna make this evening a sweet one for me. xoxox

Wednesday, 17 September 2008

I need some Sayang

Let me see how is my weekend going on , Monday was excellent, Tuesday so,so and Wednesday which is today hmmm... let me think.It is not OK , but I am keeping my optimism level at it's fullest.

I had just finished reading this book that I have always wanted to read , about a love story between a woman and her make believe invisible friend,Heart wrenching beautifully written tale.
It is called Sundays at Tiffany's by James Patterson and it is indeed a nice love story.If only everything will end up that perfect.
James Patterson wrote with his heart and I was in tears even at page 8!
After reading it , it feels so close to my heart and it is something every girl can relate too, well... every girl with an imaginary friend, I am lucky because I was an imaginative kid so I had 5 or maybe 6 friends who had tea parties with me.I forgot their names but how I wish they are with me now.Because they are a bunch of people who never hurt me ever.Yes ... I am not so- ok at the moment.

I don't know sometimes If I am taking my life too hard or people are being hard on me?.I feel that this world is filled with lies and people wearing mask.What I firstly thought was white is actually grey, and a streak of red I had spoken about,many entries before , They are actually just a streak of grey too pretending to be red.

When I was 16 someone I know told me that I have high expectations in life, and today I realized maybe a little bit.I think a little bit too much sometimes and I think the best place for me to live in is in heaven where everything is perfect and no one will ever hurt me.This world is a bad, bad place at least to me at this moment.

Heart ...they are like precious crystal and when it chips it is really hard to fix it.So friends who keep on asking me if I am doing alright in chaotic Kuala Lumpur?The answer is -This city where I was born is pretty mean to me.But what the heck, I live only once and I am not gonna let anything ruined my mood.Despite wiping this tears , I am thinking hell with it! Life goes on and leave those stupid people alone.I don't know where does this positive vibe coming from but I know I am happy about something and nothing and no one can ruin this for me.
As my friend fondly known as Yellow said - Azura STOP thinking! and carry on listening to that heart of yours.oh Uncle Yellow,... I am trying!

Sunday, 14 September 2008

When a boy makes a girl cry





A friend from afar rung me today and told(whined) me how difficult women are and how He had just been yelled at by his new girlfriend . He got confused not realizing the importance of trust a.k.a calling her everyday. Me and him we have a total platonic relation and we shares many things and just for the record ,I am allowed to share this story and view of mine with the rest of you and I know my girls who are readint this will definitely agree with me.
I think most of the problems in a relationship starts with miscommunication, Woman like me ,in this era , we are pretty straightforward , just like to cut the fuss to avoid wasting our time. See... women like me have other things to do but of course will priorities her man first because He is always in her mind , well at least for me.

As for Matthew(not real name) his problems starts when he is being selfish and not calling this new girl that He is currently dating for a week.Why ? because working as a chef is taking his time , I know... I was there working my bum off, BUT for US girls we think that you are not interested anymore or even worse with some salt and pepper of fantasy we even imagine you with another girl doing your smooth suave move.Yes! we need to be suspicious when dealing with that particular species OR we simply just wants to know how is your day and listening to your beautiful masculine voice.


Girls needs assurance like that , but practically.logically speaking it's obvious you are not into us if you do not call, it simply means she is out of my mind -kapoosh , gone, boleh belah and after liking you, knowing or just suspecting that HURTS!And we would analyze if we did any mistakes or said anything wrong, that was pretty cruel to be honest, to leave someone with a big question mark on her head.

Blame MR Bell
It's the thought that counts and telephone can give a lot of problems, especially with this mobile phones,And girls, we really need to chill sometimes too , don't go hysterical and judgmental I know because I am like that ,It's best to give the slower species some times and space and a space ship .Phone calls are expensive and MEN they are heartless and selfish maybe we can try to be that heartless trick too sometimes!

Relationship and dating was meant to be easy , why you want to see him or her if it makes you unhappy? You see that person because he/she makes your heart beat faster, your world seems brighter and happier.Because you like her , why are you making her sad? gosh! now I am confuse!

IT IS EASY ITS ONLY YOU WHO COMPLICATES IT
I hope with one phone call filled with apology and explanation and maybe a delicious dinner ,since Matthew is helluva good Chef (I envy you)will smooth the kinks.I am hoping that tonight is the night when you both finds love and harmony between you both.I am off to bed to start a new week tomorrow hope that I don't have to work next weekend again with all this kueh and cake orders.Wish me a great week please,I need them after last week was mean to me.


Are phone calls really that important?
for me, it is a gesture to say "hey I am thinking of you too ".I know.. we women are so fragile.


*I am definitely not Doctor Love and Matthew(it's not his real name), you so owed me a night in Shoreditch when I come visit London.xxxx





Thursday, 11 September 2008

Dangerously in love




yesterday morning I went to get some precious ingredient from my specialty supermarket, I have found that my idea , dream and something I had talked about with my brother has come true.Maybe it is not new to you guys , but for the first time i saw a girl walking while typing on her laptop, she walked and listens to her music with a headphone connected to her mac and she was literally typing with one hand holding her opened computer.Well i said to my brother on our way for our sushi dinner, that one of these days there will be a gadget that we can screw.strap up to our head or shoulder and it will be our laptop holder while we walking we type as stupid as It sounds not many people use tiny phones with Internet , maybe some like it big(screen) .
I myself has a very good relationship with my Dell laptop , I bloody love him , and would do anything for him , it is like my boyfriend now, well even my boyfriend didn't spend this much time on me, vice versa.I am online most of the time and it has taken so much space in my life.Even sometimes when I'm out I have to rush and come back to check on things like finishing my book , talking to friends, listening to music, online games and etc, that of course until I get myself an iphone one day , but no! I don't think so ,being the faithful girl I am , at the end of the day I will come back to my baby Dell and touch him all the time.I love you computer, I can't live without you.I really can't.

by the way I am of naming him something other than just- DELL any idea of suitable name?

NOTE( a very long one indeed): I have to say thanks for those love mails to me, asking me if I was OK , well I was tired and ill few days ago , but I am striving and will bounce back in no time , thanks for asking , very thoughtful.xoxo
and drum roll happy Birthday to my best friend Miss M , we went out recently and she bought me more presents(yes ! 2 presents!) for my birthday and that was 2 weeks ago , when honestly I think the best birthday present she could ever give was she coming back here and spending all her time and money for the air ticket just to spend time with me.I feel loved thanks a lot and don't teach your boyfriend to curse in this new language you are learning..not very nice miss M.With your cheekiness or not ... we all Love you !

Tuesday, 9 September 2008

Negative vibe speaking( I need a bear hug)

Guess who is down with Lupus today?
Guess who is feeling ill and added her dosage of med?
Guess who have few rashes on her right cheek due to sun exposure?
Guess who is heartbroken in silence?
Guess who is chasing datelines?
Guess who wish that she is not here but somewhere else?


ME!!!!!


I am angry , I am confuse ,I am not well and I am hating today.Cant wait for the weekend to come as if it will make any difference.

Me needs loads of ice cubes in my bath tub .

My assets


I am not putting my staffs pictures here,They will know I have a blog!Therefore, I put a picture of some cute kids.


I can't say that I am a good employer , I can be unprofessional, we are too much of a family and I am the biggest sister who can do anything I like at work.I take care of my people at least that's what my mum said.My girl the other day said " gosh boss you are too soft and nice to me" , just imagine when you STAFF said that to you , means you are seriously mushy soft !

Today, I bumped upon my former cleaner , she worked for me 4-5 years ago back then. I think she treated me and family as if its her own, cleaning the restaurant , making sure everything was not stolen by other staffs, making sure that I had eaten etc.Many years had passed,I stopped doing the business due to my illness and left for England bladi blah , cut the long story short just now on the way for my evening stroll to my favourite shopping mall to get some nutella I bumped into her, and after talking for a bit ,she said how much she miss me and wish to work for me again she got this big personality and loudness you can hear from far away , when she talk about her past ...sometimes i think she was just making it up to make it more dramatic...honestly i shook my head every time I hear her stories wondering if it is real or some storyline of a soap opera.I wish I can make some space for her at work, its just that I have to sort her immigration status since she is Indonesian who's permit is about to go off soon , so we exchange numbers and guess what ? She gave me RM 20 as a gift for my Aidilfitri celebration that is coming soon which of course I refused to take, as I know RM20 is indeed a great amount of money , BUT the gesture touched my heart,Honestly... I was literally in tears as I said goodbye and gave her a big hug.

I am pretty lucky to have staffs and ex staffs who are not only
just work but take ownership of the business and tasks given.Of course they have their bitchy moments like leaving work early to get their hair done ,or late because of heavy partying the night before , but then again we are all human and have our own bitchy moments.I personally would like to apologise to few Sous and Executive Sous Chefs for troubles and dilemmas I had caused back then, I never said this all to them but I think my Christmas and Birthday cards kinda said that.


*I would like to wish My favourite Author whom I think is one of the most brilliant author in this world Dr Kassim Ahmad, happy Birthday today ."Happy Birthday Pak Kassim, semoga dipanjangkan umur dengan kesihatan yang baik."
*And of course my blogger friend the author of kecet.com a brlliant blog that is Srikanth ,its his birthday tomorrow .have a great one!

Sunday, 7 September 2008

Book+me+editing=major head and heart ache

So let's put that school days journal and other so called storybooks that I written in my exercise books just for me to read together.When it comes to think about it ,I had dreamed of being published since I was 3, soo why now... let me see because I am just plain lazy and there is no one to blame except for me.Making dream a reality is not really my asset feature.

Almost done give me few more bits of time.

I just had realized that since this one whole year and had gone through highs and lows of roller coaster's emotion, there were times I feel like breathing is such a difficult, difficult (said twice to express the intensity) task.I am tired and I am saying this with my open heart spread to you here, for you to see.I am tired T.I.R.E.D. Not having that much choice I am currently picking up those broken pieces and healing my own heart.
It feels weird when you are not living your life 100%,when I was younger I thought it was an early life crisis but now... I think 'hey early life crisis can't last this long!.

So while touching up my first novel, I realized that all this while, despite not living 100% and having a disease that makes me reconsider everything I wanted to do and to be in the future ...I am doing quite ok and surprisingly still wiring here as if I don't have any works to do! again... plain lazy

Taking one day at a time as always.

Saturday, 6 September 2008

Love, life ..Me


Just when I thought that everything is going grey from now on, here comes a streak of red on my life canvas.Opportunity coming up and meeting friends and having such an enjoyable week.I had been smiling since Wednesday, at this moment life is pretty chaotic but I think grandma was right- always put some sweetness in my life no matter how bitter it gets.
I am collecting my broken pieces of strength and power as I am feeling very tired now and I hope this time it wont lead me astray and make me disappointed again.But first, I really need to heal this blister that I got on my feet from wearing my black Mary Jane.

I think I am starting to fall in love with life all over again.

Lots of love ,
The girl who found herself again