Wednesday, 25 June 2008

Love ,lust, greed

I love chocolate , I should have chocolate as part of my name, I love other non chocolate sweets too... gosh whats wrong with me?,I will never grow up .

Food I had yesterday.

Chocolate chip cookies from famous Amos,Rocky road muffin - that's very chocolatey,2 cadbury's chocolate bars,Kentucky Fried Chicken -I know what I said last time , but I still ate them yesterday, because I can,Fried noodles and Some Pineapple .I have to mention that I had few cups of hot chocolates too.

How am I feeling today..
My right lower abdomen hurts, I am afraid if it is my kidney, as lupus usually affect the kidneys. I am so ,so worry now.Because I'm worry I have some fried chicken and a cookie.

Gonna call my doctor now. Maybe I should really think before I eat.I have eating disorder, we call it "all I can eat syndrome".

I need help.I want to eat more sensibly :(

Sunday, 22 June 2008

So happy for you!

I would like to share a blogger friend's happiness , Well, I heard he passed his exam... I should be addressing him as Doctor starting from now on ,(I already did anyway).I've always wanted to be a (Beautiful) Doctor when I was a child but that also comes with other dreams such as being a beautiful architect, a beautiful scientist, a beautiful teacher and a beautiful politician who saves the world from alien invasion, oh yeah, I once wanted to be a beautiful farmer too...For someone as greedy as me , I can't be a doctor because my ambition changed during my teen era,suddenly I wanted to be a chef and I took culinary in uni(that's after spending some time in Law school).

Dr Hannan the author of "definitely, maybe"just did it and I am so happy for him, I wish I could make my parent as proud as his and how I wish I could wear those white coat and having people calling me Dr Az ... and all the emergency room chaos ala ER(the TV series).My childhood friend is a Doctor now and she is always busy and she has got an in-house pager (very cool).

Well done Dr Hans, come back home , treat patients and please be a rheumatologist one day, So you can help me.

Thursday, 19 June 2008

Japanese green tea cheesecake,Saif Ali Khan and Akshaye khanna.

yes... nothing is relevant anymore!!

Ouuchh, my head hurts,My right eyeballs hurts.I know I should go for my eye check,I am so tired of seeing the doctor.It's too much work having this disease and I had been on my "whatever " mode since Monday.I am tired and now after a glass of milk I am itching ... is this my new allergy now?But honestly guys, I am feeling rather tired lately as in very, very tired.Just like before I was diagnosed with this disease and being stuffed with steroids

I ain't hirajuku, I am a matcha kasutera girl
Since Monday I had been having green tea cheesecake and I mean my beloved little brother bought it for me everyday from my favourite Japanese bakery, even now while I'm typing this I am having some hot chocolate and green tea cheesecake.But I had also been working out... hey,of course !I want to be pretty too after all I am a girl.But me and eating sensibly we never rhymes if I like something I can really eat it and after a while get bored of it.

Incredible India...
I just catched my favourite Bollywood actors in Race , yes it's a hindi movie and even the plot has few twist and turns ,I kinda enjoyed that as Saif Ali Khan,Akhsaye Khanna and Anil Kapoor is in it.Some people might laugh with my infatuation with hindi and tamil movies, but honestly I am not the kind of person who watch a movie to polish my intellectual skill or think hard .I am more of a laid back movie goer and watch movies that either makes me laugh or filled with beautiful people and nice scenery /cinematography.Few friends who had seen my DVD collections thought either I am someone with a very good taste or "what? you watch this?" but then again, those who think that I am less stylish they ended up borrowing my DVD without returning it after.This reminds me of this so called friend of mine, who had borrowed my "farewell my concubine" ,it's a lagendary Chinese movie with the late Leslie Cheung in it and my "Calmi Cuori Appasionati"with Florence,Italy as background, and Yutaka Takenouchi in it.Both were pricey and they are among my precious collection, and this particular person called "Tunku T" had misplaced it, , it had been a while, but, how can you borrow movies from someone and lost it? I went to the DVD shop and apparently they do not have those movies anymore .
Talk about some people you can't trust.

I 'm off to eat my piece of cake now and here is the trailer of my current favourite DVD.Oh, how I love those good looking actors.

Sunday, 15 June 2008

Taken at times when I miss you dearly

I am not well at this moment and oh yeah, my nose were bleeding again last night.My health is down and I have come to embrace it.. yay! no more denials or tears just green tea cheesecake that my brother just brought home, I love em' and I think I can finish the whole thing.Having a lazy weekend while finishing my first novel - that was what I wanted to do when I got back here last August.I think this cheesecake has make me super excited that I decided to clean the rubbish ' in my computer so ladies and gentlemen these are my visual rants...
And thanks to the fuel price , my plaquenil's price had also gone up.. I am on private health service too* , now I don't feel like going to see my Doctor knowing that I'll be poorer by at least RM500 you know why I hate this disease.
*I am on private because I find the queue to see the government,(HUKM or HKL Selayang) specialist is loooong and I have to wait for weeks or months.With my rheumatologist now I ring him now I go see him 15 minutes later and besides, we understands each other (sometimes)

My mum made some gado-gado the other day and it was delicious

Airshow during King's birthday parade

Movenpick time!! at my favourite mall(do I have to say the name?yes pavilion) , have I told you that I 've been to Movenpick hotel in Dubai?.yes the movenpick icecream , now movenpick hotel. For me ,they made the best vanilla icecream

We, Malaysian women loves buying fabric.

That's dayabumi one of my favourite building and one of the earliest landmark for this city this is where the Central Post Office is located
and this reminds me to go and get my petrol rebate sorted.

That is one of my "taken at times when I feel blue" shot

At my friend's place, I thought" geez ' thats blue and red"hmm of them "duh!" moments

Indian town Kuala lumpur a.k.a leboh Ampang where I get my supplies of Tamil and Hindi DVD's, semolina flour and funky stuff(not telling what it is)

St John's Institution a boys school not that far from where I am now.

Tuesday, 10 June 2008

Time for a new beginning

I got fed up with my life here in Kuala Lumpur.I can't say what I'm looking for but it is not this life I have in KL. I' ve been living here almost my entire life, I was born here.
I am slowly getting rid of some of my beloved antique/colonial furnitures,if any of you are interested just give a click on the right link on my supermarket, more things to come. Wait until I clear my study cum my walk- in closet , just deciding which one to keep and get rid of and telling myself that they are just furnitures and not to drop a single tears over beloved furnitures that I will never see again.Those have sentimental values in them but ,sentimental + me not a good combination ... I want to forget this place and start anew .

Saturday, 7 June 2008

Wake me up when June ends.

Not that I hate June , but I am having quite a bad start for the month, just like January this is the month when I looked back at what had been done and what have not.If I had been a bad or a good girl.

I remember why Andreas a friend of mine left his job as software engineer in London and decided to live in a small island in Indonesia ,after so much pain and turmoil surrounding him ,He left his job in London and came to see me in Kuala Lumpur en route to Thailand and said , "I hate to think and I don't want to think, thats why I left London" . 2004 was the last time I met this friend of mine the last e mail was short and sweet , telling me the story on how he loves the simplicity of his new life in a village in Lombok sipping on freshly grounded coffees and smoking kretek ' with the locals.


I was in bed last night and I had blood coming out from my nose ,it stained my beige pillowcase, and I used half of a toilet roll to clean my nose and mouth . For two hours I was bleeding ,I literally felt the taste of blood coming out from the back of my nose ,felt like someone had use a little sharp knife and stabbed my left lung and heart.My mum was crying and opened the health encyclopedia to apply some first aid on me.I don't know why it happened , but it happened several times , once in winter 2006 I woke up in the morning and realized that my white pillowcase has many big blood spots on it.
My brother and my mum , did not sleep last night, they were worried about my health.It is like I am married to this disease, I hate him but I can't run away from him.Sometimes I look at the mirror and say why? what can I do to get rid of this f****** thing called Lupus?and does anyone have any idea how painful is my life?
I once had a wonderful life and it was crushed in front of me.I have no other choice but to look at it and just move on.But how do I get rid of my bad husband? I can't ..I just can't.

Just like before I am doing this again , with tears in my eyes ,I said "No Az. life can be shit to just everyone, not only you.It's not June, it's not you, it's not Lupus."

So.... daily I am going to continue eating my favourite pill - I AM FINALLY ON PILLS , I DO PILLS !!.SO the next time some ecstasy addict talk to me about pills and trying to provoke me on what I had been missing , I am going to say, "Hey dude' I do pills too"! Its called prednisolone and only "special" people can eat them.
daily, I am going to drink my favourite chocolate drink , my grandmother told me whan I was a child(up to when i was 21 years old) ,"have some sweetness in life" while she offered me her fresh ,perfectly baked butter cake .When I smell butter, cakes and cinnamon they often brings back the sweetness , the fond memories of my childhood thats filled with laughter ,flowers and cuddles.
, I want to enjoy looking at my shmooboo, and orchid plant I bought 5 years ago, when I was paralyzed , she stopped blooming , no flowers, zero and now when I am pretty content with my health she has start to bloom again , just imagine what would happen if I am all ecstatic... she would bloom like mad I reckon!

And sometimes , to put myself and my happiness before anything else, this one I have to try hard....

And every second take a deep breathe and be thankful that I am still alive until today.

Today is the 17th anniversary that my father passed away , this date ,17 years ago... I lost my beloved father.I am off now , we have a little prayer for him a bit later.

Az Azura lived her life to the fullest...thats how I want to be remembered.

Thursday, 5 June 2008

Selamat pagi ,Good morning

It's official- I cannot live without the Internet,It is the source of everything and I have even start to dream about it. Last night , I dream that my computer caresses me while I was asleep and when I got up I realized that it was just a dream, a sexy dream of me and my computer.
The rise of the petrol and diesel is a big news at this moment , announced on last night's news and everybody is complaining and few of my friends has decided to be green by reducing their carbon footprint by cycling to anywhere they want to go , though I don't believe they would actually practise that ... just imagine my friend Siti (her real name, she is called something else now) would wear her grey knee lenght skirt , black DKNY jacket,Chanel shades and high heels...then, she puts on her helmet or maybe not, it will ruin her runway ponytail, cycling from one appointment to another in this humid city... that would be "nice" in this tropical country.With this price hike I hope some Cabinet Ministers would stop making statements like -
"the fuel price are much expensive in Singapore and even the UK- Malaysia is still among the cheapest".

We all know this and we wish we could also say the same about minimum wages and income per capita of average Malaysian.Since now the price has gone up , there is nothing much we could say, and if one person ever come to me and say "you seldom drive and why are you nagging?"I will smack the person's head as I know that my food and my medicine will increase in prices.My plaquenil now is RM180 per box of 60pills , that is pretty expensive at this moment , and I don't know how much will all my drugs shopping will cost next month .More reasons to hate Lupus.

I am jumping into bed again soon after eating my medication , I feel very tired and fragile lately everything from my scalp to my big toe hurts .I just want to take a long nap.

Happy Birthday to YOU!my friends who are celebrating their Birthdays this week
Michelle :the author of Arimayas heart who is celebrating her birthday today
My best friend Rick , tomorrow .
An old friend of mine Saufian, on Saturday
A very talented musician Pacai, on Saturday

wishing them a great birthday !

I've finished my chocolate drink and now I want to get my toast and my cocktail of medicines.You all have a great day !

Monday, 2 June 2008

Shallow shame on you

When I was at the Ice bar drinking mango juice in a glass made of ice.It has got nothing to do with what is below.


"The type of Asian women that white men consider hot are the Asian women who bleach their hair (like white women)to a reddish blonde or dark ash blonde color, get boob enhancements (usually), get eyelid surgery (to resemble white eyes), other surgeries (like nose, cheekbones - to mimic whites), and wear lots of makeup (Hollywood).
Also, Asian women resort to fake eyelashes to make their sparse lashes seem fuller like some Mediterranean women with lots of hairy lashes.
Of course, white women do these enhancements, too, but they don't try to change their ethnicity like Asians do.
More natural-looking Asian women really aren't considered hot by white men. It's only the Asian women who try to look white that are regarded as hot, but at that point, it's merely the copying of the white image or the pursuit of the white image that white men find so hot". -Mr Hawk

I found the statement above made in a forum while I was googling for -"Asian women in business forum" about a year ago,they are plenty more shallow comments that I found a bit funny but insulting, since then, I wanted to speak about this statement made by a very opinionated "Mr Hawk ".Most of the times I escape from talking about issues such as this,I even find it weird to say white or black in this context. Since my first time setting foot in the western land as a toddler , a high school student going through Uni and yaddi yadda., none of my Caucasian friends ever make me feel offended or making any Asian jokes ,I think simply because they are well educated and came from good backgrounds.

Though in my own country not too long ago,while chatting with some Caucasian girls who dare to look down on Malay girls by making real stupid remarks like the whitening cream booming sales in Asia and of course the jokes about we Asian would lick their a** if they asked us too.This came from sober girls whom don't even spell the word -college or fabulous correctly.I would like to blame it on SPG's but since they are also my sistah" I am talking gender here, not colour.I need to say something that was well hidden in my heart

1)Asian girls are after white guys money:NOT TRUE
Please take note that girls with any race could be after caucasian guys money.Gold diggers doesn,t have a uniform or tag.Some of my Malay girlfriends in an interracial relationships are smart and some even has a postgraduate degree and made good money and even gave money to their Mat salleh friends.Oh yea, how about caucasian girls who's after my rich friends and relatives with prestigious forenames?

2)Those guys who has an asian girlfriend are rejects of the caucasian girls.
Sooo... not true .

3)Asian girls likes to look like Caucasian girls - trying to look white with our whitening creams and all.With all the biatchness intonation, "Oh you poor asian girls.. look at the whitening creams on the shelves , trying so hard to be like us"
I used fair and lovely(for 15 years now) a famous whitening cream that's ayurvedic and it does great job with keeping skin all soft , supple and clear thanks to the turmeric in it and unlike other lotions , it's not greasy at all and it is darn cheap, like RM4 per tub.
what's with you caucasian girls trying to look tanned like us and buying all those self tanners and spending your money on sunbeds?
NOTE:We, woman can never be happy with how we look and why can't those girls the other day said that instead of making rude remarks?

4)Asian girls worship & bow to our caucasian man and their caucasian friends.I gave this straight to their face, No! that's not true I just given it to your face didn't I , *Go back to school!I do kickass and kickoff sometimes, I was in the debate team in school.

Black , white or blue once you are my friend, we are friends forever.
But, above all *I don't think she and her friend are smart .This is 2008 ,come one!! update yourself, when it comes to race and ethnicity.. I chose to be colour blind.

Last but not least... remember

1)eventhough you are *not so smart it doesn't gave you the right to insult other people
2)It's best to keep your mouth shut rather than showing off your *not so smart -ness
(my mum ask me not to label people as stupid* , it's not nice)
3)if you don't like us Malay girls antics, why do you take all the trouble to come and stay here.You have another option if you don't like us,... leave.


for those who still do not know what SPG is

Sarong Party Girl (also known as SPG or Singapore Party Girl) is a derogatory term used in Singapore and (to a lesser extent) in Peninsular Malaysia.
It describes a local Asian woman who usually dresses and behaves in a provocative manner, and who exclusively dates and prefers white men because white men buys them drinks in bars.