Thursday, 27 March 2008

Before my cobra pose...


Finally I am all smile again despite facing the 38 degrees Celsius today... what a humid afternoon , that was!I know I had been complaining a lot lately , but to be honest ,Last week was pretty rough on me.I am just a girl and sometimes I do explode name it with tears , courage or words.
With my condition right now,I don't know how long will this remission last, I have plenty of worries in my head about my health and how long before Mr lupus strikes again and all the things that I can't control.
Maybe being in KL for a while now makes me like this, but I don't really know if I want or can go back to Hull, at least not at this moment.I miss my gals, and their gals.I miss going out on with the girls on Saturdays, the whole Saturday afternoon I would be wondering and matching my shoes and clothes and hair, just for the fun of it.Now we only speaks on the phone and texts and of course, MSN and facebook.
When I am in England I think about home and how many things I can do here, but when I am here ,I want to be there so ,so much.I think I just go with the flow and be where I am wanted and needed and that is home sweet home Kuala Lumpur this is where I am wanted , needed and loved... I supposed.

Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things that life is showing you
Where are you going to?
Do you know...?

Do you get
What you're hoping for
When you look behind you
There's no open door
What are you hoping for?
Do you know...


I gotta run now and do my yoga.

Tuesday, 25 March 2008

Am I too old to get my tonsils removed?



This picture had got nothing to do with what you'll read below, But how I wish I can be dipped in them chocolate too...yum yum.

Wanna have a look at my tonsils?Maybe not huh,it is huge and all red now, I had been coughing as well,Last night with tears in my eyes my mum took me to see my GP,It is not that far from where I live, but the road was heavily congested due to the heavy rain.
So we drove half away and decided to park the car because we know that the traffic jam won't be over till late.My doctor said that I have got an infection,
On our way back to the car , We drop by at this Iranian restaurant for coffee , since its opens I had never once sees anyone in it.Maybe I passed by at the wrong time, but i have to say that the interior is really nice but most of all the service staff, the waiter , the bartender and the entertainer.He greeted us , made us tea after recommending cinnamon tea for my throat and after serving us those tea, dates and a slice of Iranian cake , he reached for the keyboard and played us a song.How wonderful was that !.As promised ,I'm a woman of my word,I will be back at his place and try his lamb shank after I got my throat sorted.

Even when my throat and my head are aching I still went to work and did my job,I am glad everything went well.I feel so tired and need lots of TLC... so for now , I want to go whine and seek some attention from my mum, I know it sounded selfish, but I got my excuse... I'm ill.

Sunday, 23 March 2008

My little hunny bunny



I know him for a long time, At times I feel like we were meant to be .
Grilling my fish, baking my favourite puddings and cakes ,
I love everything that was made in him,At times I feel like He is such a miracle lover , He pleased me and never failed to impress me.He is not moody and always sober.
Until one day I took him somewhere else and the electricity there , hurts him so bad, they hurt my baby :o( .I almost cried when the plug melt and I pulled it right away and that was when I took him to work with me at my new Cafe,I wanted to rescue him so much that I don't care about my safety anymore,then Energy Department came and the technician said the power was still there and It was dangerous for me to do that and gave me some advice on power and electricity.I felt bad ... but I knew him since I was 18 and my mum got me that... He is home with me now, I won't take him there anymore.We will live here together forever my love ,and I won't make you work at places you can't work at anymore,I promise.
I love you my grey little bunny.xoxo

Friday, 21 March 2008

My (not so)secret lover

I got another blog , and its called Absolute Gourmet Malaysia which is my Cafe's blog.Please drop by. xxxxx

I want you .. so,so bad (I want food )

Saturdays are the busiest of days, there were times I made 150 covers without me realizing it , my food are not expensive but these orders are meaningful ones because food should be quick and they need to go, when I said "they" means the students who are taking the French lessons here on Saturdays where the school conduct full day of classes.They only have like half an hour to eat and I understand their rush as I was like that too when I took that Japanese course recently.But when some students were pushing it too far that they were rude towards my staff (who is ill at this moment, so its me and my bro helping me)I got the shock of my life.But I think my shocked and tantrums was not as half as my ex boss's temper..ement.
I remember wanting so ,so much to work in a professional kitchen I don't care how hard it is , how you are not a chick or a babe in the kitchen , you are a CHEF and you have to do what the boys do.I only work for a short period in the industry before I started my own business,I think in that short period I had learnt a lot ... not only food but also friendship and self confidence .Having top , Michelin starred chefs saying that I am awesome and wrote nice thing about me is something I though I could have never done, especially I grew up having my breakfast done for me.yes i was a spoilt and annoying princess.
I have to say Thank you to all my ex bosses and colleagues, they had been great to me , I had forgotten all those pot throwing , name calling and shouting, well not really forgotten, but its more like I don't take it personal.Many of my batch mates are now successful and they certainly deserves it .I would like to say that we are never different just because I took the different route starting my own thing,we all love food and would bleed, burnt and cry for it.No matter where you are (I know where you guys are ... having a room in 5 star hotels and doing something that you love )I just want you guys to know that , you guys were right...I can never run away from creams , pots , sugar and eggs(and chocolate) well food in general,THIS IS WHAT I WANT .

I'm hungry, I have not eaten since this morning
I would like to say Happy Birthday to Chef Darsin , my former colleague/senior ,that's this Sunday and I hope that you will have a good time in Bahrain with the new job posting and all... congratulations!send me postcards will you?xoxo

For now ,I need to go because I am hungry ... I would have the food from my Cafe and today it would be my favourite Nasi Lemak with spicy chicken the recipe I inherited from my grandma ... bon appetito.

Tuesday, 18 March 2008


I have to admit that I am pretty happy with my life now , being in the kitchen and preparing orders being fired at me feels like I am a warrior, like a video game character.

I have to also admit that doing paper works are not really my type of work.Oh yea,I have already met few nice friends there.These people I met has been a great supporter of my cafe,Maybe I forgot that blessings do come in disguises .Those hanky panky of business and back stabbing and slender would make me more resilient,I cant believe that I have not drop a single tears for a week now.All this was meant to be and I accepted it name it good or bad with grace of a ballerina with pride of a warrior ,somehow we all human fights everyday in this battle called life.This few days had been pretty rough on me but I say its only forward for me, this vehicle has no reverse gear or turning back, maybe slight brakes , but this car will go steady in a medium speed to the top.Hopefully.
By the way, I have to go now my mum cooked my favourite noodle and we might want to go to catch a movie a bit later if I'm not too tired.Thanks a lot to those who had commented on Sayangku Azura recently , those sweet words accompanies me throughout the day and knowing that you all supported me means a lot to this girl.

BTW, that is the picture of The tallest Building in the world (The Burj)in The making, in Dubai .
Lots of Love , Hugs and kisses

Az

Saturday, 15 March 2008

Everything is going to be OK

I don't know why some people have to be rude , don't they know that no human is superior than another?
I feel sad and upset.Everytime I am home in Malaysia ... bad things always visits... and that makes me wonder if this is what I really what ?If it is, why it makes me feel so sad and angry?If life is as easy as things shown on 50's movies... where people where big dressess and women only bothered about getting a husband and be housewife who bake great muffins everyday.In my quest to be successful financially a.k.a filthy rich, This is what i have to go through, is it worth the pain?


Places I would rather be at this moment

1)New York
2)Hull
3)Tioman Island

I am not going to cry,I'm a strong girl.
Too many sadness lately, not good, going out with my brother and some of our friends.I need it.

Friday, 14 March 2008

100th entry? oh really?

Oh yea... I have to let you guys know that my previous entry was my 100th entry ! yay!!I only realized it just know.

Thursday, 13 March 2008


Thanks so so much for all the morale support you all had given me, although I am still under this grey cloud at least I am pretty happy . I have to say that my condition got worse from day to day. I feel very tired and low ,i feel like I need 24 hours of sleep, and a shoulder to cry on.Just now I went to see some old friends and we had a good time just having chocolate and things.But before that i was followed by a stranger who insist on having my phone number an started giving me all this words of wisdom on how strangers become friends.He came so close that he started to freak me out.I swear I don't make any eye contact or provoked him in any way.I was just minding my own business.Lucky that Noel and Shirley my best friend who had also been like a little sister to me came to my rescue.And this guy have the guts to turn back and that was after I told the security in front of The Standard and Chartered Bank's booth in front of Lot 10.By the way, nasty bits aside,I am ok only tired and in desperate need of a holiday to chill and I really want to go to Jakarta and that is the capital of Indonesia.The food... think of all the soto , gado-gado,bakso and es campur that I could be having ! The night scenes are nice too.But...(I hate buts especially when it comes from me.)I can't until I get someone to run my cafe properly.
My dreams always had the elements of food and holidays in them , and now I am angry because I am not off anywhere and will not be for a while.
I want a job that pays me to go for holidays and stay at nice hotels and eat nice food(maybe some nice Spa treatments too).Please give me a ring if you find such post on an urgent basis.

Tuesday, 11 March 2008

When you tell me that my blood is ok

If only someone could see my face at his moment... I am happy, yippie and yay yay.I am having double chocolate cookies.Yesterday after getting my bank account sorted , I went to TGIF at Pavilion(yes,I love Pavilion!) and had barbecue chicken and mum had grilled salmon .I think the negative emotions I felt in this few days , diminished in an instant as soon as I heard the voice of Miss Kwan from my doctor's office this morning saying that everything is OK with me.My blood is alright but even though I was in the car all the time the UV from the sun actually caused my hair to drop.All the worries has gone and I would like to believe that I am OK.
I have washed my face , and hair , I am still waiting for my brother who went out to get me some KFC...I know its bad for me but I need to treat myself once in a while.goodnight xxxxx

Monday, 10 March 2008

The happiest moments were incomplete if you weren't by my side


I miss Roger, we talk to each other many times in a day, being a women I love talking on the phone with my boyfriend and last week was the hardest because there are too many things going on and too many annoying people I have to face , that I cried .I have to be honest ,I got my blood test done last week and I can't wait for the results to be out, maybe thats why I had been in such mixed mood.I am afraid if the results are bad and not like what I hope it would be and If only Roger was here , He would tell me that it will be ok and after that we would watch silly shows on tele or hang out at new restaurants.
I got few messages telling me to be strong and take it easy , but I think some of you had got it wrong ,I can't be in the UK because of my work commitment now and Roger can't come here to be with me because of his businesss commitment too and the thing is we are both are own bossess, some might think thats easy, but really I understand Roger's situation, He have got many people working for him and many projects to finish,and lately he had been doing plenty of budgeting and paperworks and always so stressed out and that's why I was sad.I want him to be with me all the time , we had good laughs together , it had been years now , but NOT even once that I feel bored with him.His laughs and smiles are always on my mind.At this moment I would have to make do with calling him 100 times a day , having him calling me too and flashbacks on our good and occasional bad times together.I miss him so ,so much I really want to be with him ,and I hope that I will be with him forever
Everytime I waved goodbye to him at departure halls ..without him knowing it, I have to go the washroom to wipe my tears.
Ain't no sunshine when he's gone ... but I know he will bring the sunshine back ,three weeks from now and will smile looking at my blood report.

Sunday, 9 March 2008

Ain't no sunshine when He's gone


Yesterday,I wrote a very long entry and it was a very depressing wrist slitting ones.I've decided no to publish it.I have been feeling rather sad lately , because of so many reasons.I am tired , unhealthy and I am missing someone.

August 25th 2005.It was my birthday and I was paralyzed and I weight only 44kilograms.On that day ,its 100% confirmed that I have Lupus, on that day I got my steroids injection , on that day I received a bouquet of flower from someone very special and He said something very nice in the card, so nice that I changed my perception towards life, knowing that I am loved by someone makes me wants to live my life .I said it once when it was too painful to even lift my arms, that I rather die.But on that day he said the magic words, before I close my eyes to sleep I prayed to god to let me live and continue this journey.I got what I prayed for .I am still alive and still breathing and smelling this beautiful scent, essence of being alive.Though the person I love is so so far away from me now and things have changed, why should I let that make me feel sad?It's just romance for some, but one of my weakness is when I love I love with all of my heart and that makes things very complicated for me (and my mum a.k.a agony aunt)I guess just like lyric of that song from The carpenters -Superstar "loneliness is such a sad affair and I can't hardly wait to be with you again.
It funny that I live in such busy city with calendar of events being packed with all sorts of fun activities , I am always surrounded by people name it people who stinks and real beautiful sweet ones (like you) and yet, I feel so alone.But you have to understand, I am the person who wants her soul food and her soul food is being happy with the person she loves.Maybe this is how things are meant to be and there is some blessings in disguises.
I know this sadness won't last long but I can't wait .What else can I asked for , I have almost everything I wanted and wished for, so Azura , take a deep breath , smile and be thankful that you're alive and been given opportunity to do what you like again.Everything will be ok (awesome)and you are so truly loved(is it?)

Friday, 7 March 2008

no more tears.

If only my sadness at this moment could be measured it would be kilometres far.

Wednesday, 5 March 2008

Kneeling to kiss the sky (Today sucks)

I feel like today had been painted with black, one thing after another hits me with grief and stress. I can't handle silliness and arrogance with grace anymore.Let me keep this sadness to myself and get on with it.I feel so unloved and so alone.
Teardrops rolling down on my cheek...I am weak .
Goodnight.

Monday, 3 March 2008

Pictures from my phone

I went through my phone while lying down on my softlan's jasmine scented sheet, I should be doing something else , but I got the feeling that Lupus is about to strike ,I am losing control and being forgetful lately, my knees are so painful ,I hate to admit my weakness, but I think I can't grip a fist today it was a loose fist when I gripped my chef's knife, and when I used the paring ones it's still the same.That's when I realized that I will never be the same because Mr lupus had taken over my life.Anyway no sad talk , the point is my mum insist that I get some rest and see Dr Ho tomorrow, I will and I want to delete all this pictures from my phones so I thought I put it here... another entry for Sayangku Azura .PS: for those who had commented on my previous entries, I want to reply on your feedbacks(Thank you) but I am not so well at this moment and will do so as soon as I can.For now ,you all take care,big kiss and nighty night zzzzz...I love sweets and when I want some Indian sweets this is where I go my neighbour Thava and Malar introduced me to this place which is not far from our residences.
I am not a sushi person but my brother is ,One evening we walked from our house to Pavillion and now I am in love with this teriyaki salmon at Yo sushi and any food that's moving/rotating it's like Im in a sushi factory.
When I was out with my mummy having lunch at Madam Kwan's that serves Malaysian/nyonya food.My mum had bojari rice which is actually an Indonesian food and being a noodle canoodle sucker I am... I stick to Curry laksa


One of the cafe that belongs to Equatorial Kuala lumpur , this outlet is inside Pavillion shopping Mall,I won't say its my favourite since I've been with Equatorial's "Nipah" for a long time so I can't be fair when judging food from this place to my family's favourite restaurant

I had lunch at Radisson's Boulvar in Dubai and I love the food ,It is different from what I usually have in my home country, although I was rushing to get into the cruise tour .Azura+grills and kebabs=happy

Ok,ok I can't stop talking about my favourite shopping mall... one of these days pavillion should really appoint me as their rep, because I've told like everyone that i like going there .But really it is a nice place to go.If only I have some money to buy those pretty dresess
Sushi dinner episode 2
Vegetarian dinner Malar's cousin's treat xoxo

I love going to this market because I had been going there for ages and I know everyone there, the staffs there are mostly Nepalese and they are really nice people.I can't wait to go to Nepal one day
I like this couch but it is kinda pricey for what it is... well at least for me.
Kentucky fried chicken in Bukit Bintang before Chinese New year.I had corrupted my japanese course mates into loving KFC and I really feel guilty up till today.
Bookstore(...at Pavillion, ok I'll stop talking about Pavilion), I really love bookstores but lately since I've been blogging and addicted to a network called facebook,and of course working mao ,I don't read novel as much anymore only newspapers .

Sunday, 2 March 2008

Putrajaya and Melaka(Malacca)

Putrajaya, a planned city located just south of Kuala Lumpur, is the new federal administrative centre of Malaysia. Several Government offices have re-located there to gain relief from the overcrowding and congestion of Kuala Lumpur, which is Malaysia's largest city. However, Kuala Lumpur still serves as Malaysia's national and legislative capital for now. The city is named after the first Malaysian Prime Minister, Tunku Abdul Rahman Putra. In Bahasa Melayu, the Sanskrit-derived words "Putra" means prince while "Jaya" means excellent or success.

The city is built on a scale completely disproportionate to its current population, with a number of bridges spanning an artificial lake, Putrajaya Lake.The vision to have a new Federal Government Administrative Centre to replace Kuala Lumpur emerged in the late 1980s, during Malaysia's 4th Prime Minister, Mahathir Bin Mohamad's tenure. The relocation is to ensure that Kuala Lumpur will continue to develop as Malaysia's principal business and financial centre.

Putrajaya was founded on October 19, 1995 and is located in the middle of the Multimedia Super Corridor (MSC). Putrajaya is the third Federal Territory of Malaysia; the other two being Kuala Lumpur and Labuan.

The land on which Putrajaya now stands was formerly known as Prang Besar, part of the state of Selangor. Prang Besar ("Great War" in Bahasa Melayu) Estate had been the showpiece estate of the Harrisons & Crosfield plantation group of companies and was the birthplace of the classic "PB86" rubber tree, clones of which were grown more prolifically than any other throughout South East Asia during the mid 20th century. Later, the estate contained oil palms and some of the trees can still be seen in the new city.

from wikipedia

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This pictures were taken when we were on our way to melaka a historical state not far from Kuala lumpur for a weekend break,These are all new buildings in this new Federal Territory , and it is like an incredible futuristic city.

The Prime Minister's office


Putrajaya mosque



Malaysian made car -"kancil"






Melaka Historical City





Saturday, 1 March 2008

Jesse's tag

Okey dokey, now I really had a long day , a long face and a long queue at Absolute Gourmet today , many things had happened some good and one or two bad ones.I prefer not to talk about the ugly bits as I prefers to talk about beautiful ones for instance... my blogger friend Jesse, I was tagged weeks ago and now I think I can spare some time to do it.Thanks Jesse, though I am not sure if I am doing it right...I would go ahead and get it done.

It's like you have to write a poetry about your kitchen and you have to include your friends in it (Right, Jesse?) and let them know as well?
Might sounds awkward but this is my spontaneous version ...


I dream of a kitchen it is all in pink,
It is next to my garden overlooking the Pacific seas,
I always hang out by the verandah
With Zenchef and Azra sipping our teas.


Today I host a pot luck party , this is when Jesse brings me
roti ,
Saxyphone oftens talk about music,
but we listened to him because his pastas are fantastic
Michelle came all the way,
She brings us orange salad and we all says hooray!

Merkmarcia and Julie brought us some doughnuts
the nutella fillings in it makes me go nuts!
Finally, doudy came and said hello but to my surprise he brought a potrait of me that he had painted also!